What a roller coaster the last couple of weeks have been. I honestly thought after the first morning that I would never take my little one to the school gates again! If it left me traumatised, there was no telling the images that must have remained in his little mind. But perhaps children are fair more resiliant than I realised as after a couple of weeks I actually think he might have settled down.
The first day of school was so disorganised I was shocked. Children everywhere, unattended and crying, randomly making their way into the school building with little direction from anyone. Charlie's school in particular looks very uninviting...more like a prison block than an infant school, grey concrete and bars at the gate. As each parent literally pushed their child through the gate all we could do was stand and watch as our little cherished ones cried and pleaded to be let out again. It was so upsetting that I wasn't able to utter even one syllable to anyone until I was in the safety of my kitchen where I promptly burst into tears! Everything went through my mind - for a while thinking that I should delay my little boy's entry into "big school" for even a few more months until he was better prepared. He took a long time to get used to nursery and I feared the same for settling in at school, only this time he would have to do so in an environment where attention was shared between 19 other children and one teacher.
But I am happy to say that he surprised me, and that my fears at the beginning were perhaps those of a rather over-protective mother!! I am sure we will still get the bad days where he doesn't want to go, but after only 2 weeks he is already happy to stand in line with the other children and wait to be guided in by his teacher. Of course he needs constant reassurance from me stood at the gate that I am not going anywhere but I am so proud of him and how well he has adapted!
Well done Charlie!
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Tuesday 29 September 2009
Monday 17 August 2009
Starting Age for School in Spain
I appreciate that legally speaking you do not have to put your child in school until 6 years of age, but generally parents enroll their little ones for the school year that they turn 3. My little boy will be 3 in October, meaning that he will still only be 2 when he starts. As much as I know that this really is only "pre-school" it still makes me a little apprehensive that he is so young. Of course we do have a choice, but it is such a fine balancing act making these decisions for our children and you always wonder whether or not you are doing the right thing.
He has been going to nursery school for 6 months now and finally loves it. It was an up-hill struggle to get to that point! To his advantage a couple of his friends from nursery will be starting school at the same time as him so there will be a degree of continuity for him which he would miss out on if I delay him starting. The hours are 9-2pm, although for the first couple of weeks they do introduce them slowly starting with just 2 hours I think. Perhaps it is a case of trying him out and seeing how he adapts. Ultimately I can always pull him out if it really is the case that perhaps he isn't quite ready.
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He has been going to nursery school for 6 months now and finally loves it. It was an up-hill struggle to get to that point! To his advantage a couple of his friends from nursery will be starting school at the same time as him so there will be a degree of continuity for him which he would miss out on if I delay him starting. The hours are 9-2pm, although for the first couple of weeks they do introduce them slowly starting with just 2 hours I think. Perhaps it is a case of trying him out and seeing how he adapts. Ultimately I can always pull him out if it really is the case that perhaps he isn't quite ready.
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Sunday 16 August 2009
Pregnancy in Spain
Once the joy of the positive pregnancy test has settled down and the reality of the next 9 months has hit, you can find yourself desperately trawling every information source for details of what you can expect, helpful advice about hospital choices, other mums' birth experiences, etc. Don't be surprised when every other person seems to have a horror story to share! This would be the same regardless of where you lived, and of course having a baby abroad makes the story even more dramatic and compelling.
It is an unfortunate reality that complications can and do occur during labour and delivery, but these cases are in the minority, and it is important to hold onto a sense of perspective when you maybe do find yourself bombarded with accounts of "horrific" birth experiences. I am not sure why fellow mothers feel the need to fairly insensitively share these horrors with their unsuspecting peers who are simply looking for a little reassurance, but trust me they will! There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't expect an "average" birth experience, by that I mean avoiding complications or trauma. Birth is a painful process, there is no escaping that...it will hurt! But it is one day out of your life and it does end! Ignore all the chatter about pain thresholds because I don't think that has anything to do with it. Every single labour, just like every pregnancy, is unique. The woman who battles her way through a 42 hour labour should not be held any higher in regard than someone who had a "quick" 12 hour labour and delivery. The woman who turned to an epidural should not be considered less of a woman than the labouring mother who did it all with thin air alone!
I found from observing friends who had had children before me, who then sat and dissected every aspect of their respective births, they were almost competitive over how much they with-stood, how hard their labours were, etc, etc. I think it is really very important to talk about your birth experience afterwards, but when the opportunity does present itself there seems to be a need to "out-do" one another! As if we have something to prove, when surely we already have. The fact that we have a healthy baby in our arms is proof enough regardless of how it got there.
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It is an unfortunate reality that complications can and do occur during labour and delivery, but these cases are in the minority, and it is important to hold onto a sense of perspective when you maybe do find yourself bombarded with accounts of "horrific" birth experiences. I am not sure why fellow mothers feel the need to fairly insensitively share these horrors with their unsuspecting peers who are simply looking for a little reassurance, but trust me they will! There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't expect an "average" birth experience, by that I mean avoiding complications or trauma. Birth is a painful process, there is no escaping that...it will hurt! But it is one day out of your life and it does end! Ignore all the chatter about pain thresholds because I don't think that has anything to do with it. Every single labour, just like every pregnancy, is unique. The woman who battles her way through a 42 hour labour should not be held any higher in regard than someone who had a "quick" 12 hour labour and delivery. The woman who turned to an epidural should not be considered less of a woman than the labouring mother who did it all with thin air alone!
I found from observing friends who had had children before me, who then sat and dissected every aspect of their respective births, they were almost competitive over how much they with-stood, how hard their labours were, etc, etc. I think it is really very important to talk about your birth experience afterwards, but when the opportunity does present itself there seems to be a need to "out-do" one another! As if we have something to prove, when surely we already have. The fact that we have a healthy baby in our arms is proof enough regardless of how it got there.
Read more!
Saturday 15 August 2009
Coping with a Miscarriage in Spain
One of our Mums in Spain members shares her experience following her recent miscarriage. Although a sensitive subject to approach it is an unfortunate reality for some, and we hope that this thoughtful contribution from Sam will help anyone else who might be going through a similar situation.
"A few weeks ago I sadly suffered a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. The miscarriage was what is known as a 'missed miscarriage' or silent miscarriage, in other words there was no sign of the miscarriage until my first scan at ten weeks and as the miscarriage was not going to happen naturally, I was advised to go to hospital for a D&C.
When we went for the scan we were told that the foetus had no heartbeat and although I was ten weeks into the pregnancy the size of the foetus was only 6 weeks meaning that this was when it had stopped developing. Of course nothing can prepare you for this sort of news and we were devastated and very sad. The doctor explained that 30% of pregnancies end this way and there is nothing you can do or did do to change the outcome, but of course you can’t help feeling guilty and a sense of loss. On top of dealing with the emotional side of the news we realised we would also have to deal with ending the pregnancy practically.
My gynaecologist told me that I needed to go to emergency at a hospital with a letter from her explaining what had happened and they would do the D&C that day, she told me to go as soon as possible and to not eat anything the night before. Because we have private medical insurance she advised me to go to the private hospital as I would probably be seen more quickly than at the busier public hospital. This all happened on a Friday morning.
That afternoon was a blur, we had to put the emotional side out of our heads and start to work out how we were going to get through the next few days and what to do with our two year old daughter. My gynaecologist had told me I could go to the hospital on Saturday and so we made arrangements to drop my daughter at my business partner’s house early the next day and to go to the hospital straight after.
On Saturday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything and still feeling drained and sad we dropped our daughter off and headed to the USP in Marbella. The emergency was quiet and we were seen straight away but I have to say the doctors were ‘rude’ to the point of ignorance and did nothing to ease our emotional state. They asked why we didn’t come the day before … to which we explained because I had eaten and because we had a toddler to look after, then they said that the gynaecologist was not available on a weekend and to come back on Monday. They didn’t seem to bothered about the fact that prolonging the pregnancy could lead to an infection or our emotional state. Having psyched myself up to get everything done that day, I was very tearful and unhappy when we left the hospital.
So we went home again and my parents flew in from the UK to look after our daughter which made everything easier and we all had a rather odd weekend and then on Monday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything again and we headed off to the USP. The weekday emergency doctors were slightly nicer than the weekend staff although sympathy is clearly not one of their strong points. They gave me an emergency appointment with the hospital gynaecologist and sent us off to the outpatient’s area to wait. Finally feeling like we were getting somewhere and it would all be over today we waited for an hour and then saw the doctor. The doctor was nice and did another scan just to confirm the miscarriage and then told me we’d have to wait until the next day to have the operation. Again I was in tears, when would this be over? He explained that we would need to return at 8am the next morning and that I needed to take some tablets that night to start the process of dilation and once again we headed home to wait.
At home that afternoon it occurred to me that I had never heard of taking tablets before a D&C and so of course I did the worse thing possible and googled the tablets!!! Googling confirmed my worst fears, they had given me the new ‘abortion pill’ and I was confronted with a number of horror stories about these tablets, their side effects and what may happen to me during the night if I took them! I have to say that this was not the best afternoon for me to be reading these kinds of stories and as you can imagine being in a rather fragile state emotionally anyway, I was beginning to get seriously stressed!! I was upset that I had not been given an option as to whether I wanted to take these tablets, nor had it been explained to me properly what I would be taking.
I realised that I did not have to take these tablets, that the procedure could be done anyway, but in my fragile emotional state and after several days of waiting I was worried that if I didn't take them the hospital might refuse to do the op. I tried phoning the hospital but the 'helpful' ( not ) receptionist wouldn't put me through to anyone and told me that in her 'medical opinion' I should take the tablets. My own gynaecologist was unavailable and so in desperation I decided to ring Dr Berral.
Dr Berral is a British trained Gynaecologist and Obstetrician who I had visited twice at his private clinic in Marbella. The first time for a 4D scan during my first pregnancy and the second time when I was having some gynaecological problems last year. Both times I found Dr Berral very helpful, professional and kind. I was still worried about calling though as with regards to the miscarriage I wasn't his patient and it was late at night by this stage.
When I called however, Dr Berral couldn't have been more patient, helpful or kind. He talked me through why the tablets were given to me and what would happen if I took them, he reassured me that if I didn't take them it shouldn’t make any difference and spent a good ten minutes or so calming me down and making me feel better about it all. Just after I spoke to him my own gynaecologist ( who I had left about 15 messages for ! ) rang back and also reassured me as to what would happen. Having spoken to both these doctors I felt much better. The theory was that taking these tablets would dilate my cervix and may cause some pain and bleeding in the night but would mean that the dilation part of the D&C would be avoided which is apparently safer for the patient as it makes the operation quicker and safer. The dose I was given was a lot lower than the ‘abortion’ dose and so my worse fear that I’d miscarry on my own during the night shouldn’t be realised. So in the end I did take the tablets before bed (but naughtily a lower dose than I was supposed too ) and as expected had some pain and bleeding in the night but nothing too major. ( Typically the hospital didn’t even mention the tablets the next day so I had a whole night of stress for nothing! )
So on Tuesday morning, five days after the first scan we got up at 6.30am, again I didn’t eat or drink and we made our way to the USP. We checked in at 8am along with a few other couples who looked like they were in the same situation as us and were told to wait in reception. At 10.30am we were still waiting and I was in considerable pain from the second tablet I’d been told to take in the morning. My husband was getting very cross with the staff as were the other husbands and nerves were getting very fraught. Finally at 11.30 I was taken to the ‘operating area’. I think it’s important to say that while the emergency, reception and admin staff at the USP ( on this occasion ) were not particularly helpful or kind, the nurses and doctors once you made it into the actual hospital were excellent. I was given hospital clothes to change into and then a bed and my husband was allowed to stay with me while we waited. The male nurse looking after us was friendly and informative. At around 12.30 I was finally taken to the theatre. I was given a local anaesthetic and remember dropping off at around 12.40 … at 1pm I woke up as they wheeled me out and it was all over.
I was taken to a ‘recovery room’ where another lovely nurse monitored me for a couple of hours, I was mainly dozing but remember her constantly asking if I was okay and taking my blood pressure and giving me painkillers. Having had a C section at the Galvez, I’d say the aftercare at the USP is a hundred times better. After a few hours I was taken back to the first room and the male nurse called my husband. I was feeling more awake by this stage and was able to sit up. After another hour or so and when the male nurse was sure I was okay he allowed me to get dressed and we went home.
We were home by around 4pm … finally it was over! I spent the rest of the day on the sofa watching TV. I’d been warned there would be some light bleeding and maybe some pain but I didn’t suffer any pain at all. Perhaps those tablets did have a purpose after all! I felt weak from the anaesthetic but that was all. On Wed I remained on the sofa, but was starting to feel a lot better. By Thursday I was up and about and by Friday life had returned to normal.
Obviously coping with a miscarriage is difficult and emotionally very fraught. I feel that if we had known we would never have been seen on the Saturday and that it was unlikely the hospital would have done the op on the same day as first going, the whole process might have been easier for us to deal with, but as with all things you live and learn. A few weeks on I feel a lot healthier, the ten weeks of this pregnancy were difficult, I felt ill for most of it and so maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Luckily I had wonderful family and friends around me who were supportive and caring. Having been through this experience I’d urge anyone in the same position as me to really question their doctor as to what exactly is going to happen and when and to gather as much support around you as possible."
Samantha Sintes
www.indybel.com
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"A few weeks ago I sadly suffered a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. The miscarriage was what is known as a 'missed miscarriage' or silent miscarriage, in other words there was no sign of the miscarriage until my first scan at ten weeks and as the miscarriage was not going to happen naturally, I was advised to go to hospital for a D&C.
When we went for the scan we were told that the foetus had no heartbeat and although I was ten weeks into the pregnancy the size of the foetus was only 6 weeks meaning that this was when it had stopped developing. Of course nothing can prepare you for this sort of news and we were devastated and very sad. The doctor explained that 30% of pregnancies end this way and there is nothing you can do or did do to change the outcome, but of course you can’t help feeling guilty and a sense of loss. On top of dealing with the emotional side of the news we realised we would also have to deal with ending the pregnancy practically.
My gynaecologist told me that I needed to go to emergency at a hospital with a letter from her explaining what had happened and they would do the D&C that day, she told me to go as soon as possible and to not eat anything the night before. Because we have private medical insurance she advised me to go to the private hospital as I would probably be seen more quickly than at the busier public hospital. This all happened on a Friday morning.
That afternoon was a blur, we had to put the emotional side out of our heads and start to work out how we were going to get through the next few days and what to do with our two year old daughter. My gynaecologist had told me I could go to the hospital on Saturday and so we made arrangements to drop my daughter at my business partner’s house early the next day and to go to the hospital straight after.
On Saturday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything and still feeling drained and sad we dropped our daughter off and headed to the USP in Marbella. The emergency was quiet and we were seen straight away but I have to say the doctors were ‘rude’ to the point of ignorance and did nothing to ease our emotional state. They asked why we didn’t come the day before … to which we explained because I had eaten and because we had a toddler to look after, then they said that the gynaecologist was not available on a weekend and to come back on Monday. They didn’t seem to bothered about the fact that prolonging the pregnancy could lead to an infection or our emotional state. Having psyched myself up to get everything done that day, I was very tearful and unhappy when we left the hospital.
So we went home again and my parents flew in from the UK to look after our daughter which made everything easier and we all had a rather odd weekend and then on Monday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything again and we headed off to the USP. The weekday emergency doctors were slightly nicer than the weekend staff although sympathy is clearly not one of their strong points. They gave me an emergency appointment with the hospital gynaecologist and sent us off to the outpatient’s area to wait. Finally feeling like we were getting somewhere and it would all be over today we waited for an hour and then saw the doctor. The doctor was nice and did another scan just to confirm the miscarriage and then told me we’d have to wait until the next day to have the operation. Again I was in tears, when would this be over? He explained that we would need to return at 8am the next morning and that I needed to take some tablets that night to start the process of dilation and once again we headed home to wait.
At home that afternoon it occurred to me that I had never heard of taking tablets before a D&C and so of course I did the worse thing possible and googled the tablets!!! Googling confirmed my worst fears, they had given me the new ‘abortion pill’ and I was confronted with a number of horror stories about these tablets, their side effects and what may happen to me during the night if I took them! I have to say that this was not the best afternoon for me to be reading these kinds of stories and as you can imagine being in a rather fragile state emotionally anyway, I was beginning to get seriously stressed!! I was upset that I had not been given an option as to whether I wanted to take these tablets, nor had it been explained to me properly what I would be taking.
I realised that I did not have to take these tablets, that the procedure could be done anyway, but in my fragile emotional state and after several days of waiting I was worried that if I didn't take them the hospital might refuse to do the op. I tried phoning the hospital but the 'helpful' ( not ) receptionist wouldn't put me through to anyone and told me that in her 'medical opinion' I should take the tablets. My own gynaecologist was unavailable and so in desperation I decided to ring Dr Berral.
Dr Berral is a British trained Gynaecologist and Obstetrician who I had visited twice at his private clinic in Marbella. The first time for a 4D scan during my first pregnancy and the second time when I was having some gynaecological problems last year. Both times I found Dr Berral very helpful, professional and kind. I was still worried about calling though as with regards to the miscarriage I wasn't his patient and it was late at night by this stage.
When I called however, Dr Berral couldn't have been more patient, helpful or kind. He talked me through why the tablets were given to me and what would happen if I took them, he reassured me that if I didn't take them it shouldn’t make any difference and spent a good ten minutes or so calming me down and making me feel better about it all. Just after I spoke to him my own gynaecologist ( who I had left about 15 messages for ! ) rang back and also reassured me as to what would happen. Having spoken to both these doctors I felt much better. The theory was that taking these tablets would dilate my cervix and may cause some pain and bleeding in the night but would mean that the dilation part of the D&C would be avoided which is apparently safer for the patient as it makes the operation quicker and safer. The dose I was given was a lot lower than the ‘abortion’ dose and so my worse fear that I’d miscarry on my own during the night shouldn’t be realised. So in the end I did take the tablets before bed (but naughtily a lower dose than I was supposed too ) and as expected had some pain and bleeding in the night but nothing too major. ( Typically the hospital didn’t even mention the tablets the next day so I had a whole night of stress for nothing! )
So on Tuesday morning, five days after the first scan we got up at 6.30am, again I didn’t eat or drink and we made our way to the USP. We checked in at 8am along with a few other couples who looked like they were in the same situation as us and were told to wait in reception. At 10.30am we were still waiting and I was in considerable pain from the second tablet I’d been told to take in the morning. My husband was getting very cross with the staff as were the other husbands and nerves were getting very fraught. Finally at 11.30 I was taken to the ‘operating area’. I think it’s important to say that while the emergency, reception and admin staff at the USP ( on this occasion ) were not particularly helpful or kind, the nurses and doctors once you made it into the actual hospital were excellent. I was given hospital clothes to change into and then a bed and my husband was allowed to stay with me while we waited. The male nurse looking after us was friendly and informative. At around 12.30 I was finally taken to the theatre. I was given a local anaesthetic and remember dropping off at around 12.40 … at 1pm I woke up as they wheeled me out and it was all over.
I was taken to a ‘recovery room’ where another lovely nurse monitored me for a couple of hours, I was mainly dozing but remember her constantly asking if I was okay and taking my blood pressure and giving me painkillers. Having had a C section at the Galvez, I’d say the aftercare at the USP is a hundred times better. After a few hours I was taken back to the first room and the male nurse called my husband. I was feeling more awake by this stage and was able to sit up. After another hour or so and when the male nurse was sure I was okay he allowed me to get dressed and we went home.
We were home by around 4pm … finally it was over! I spent the rest of the day on the sofa watching TV. I’d been warned there would be some light bleeding and maybe some pain but I didn’t suffer any pain at all. Perhaps those tablets did have a purpose after all! I felt weak from the anaesthetic but that was all. On Wed I remained on the sofa, but was starting to feel a lot better. By Thursday I was up and about and by Friday life had returned to normal.
Obviously coping with a miscarriage is difficult and emotionally very fraught. I feel that if we had known we would never have been seen on the Saturday and that it was unlikely the hospital would have done the op on the same day as first going, the whole process might have been easier for us to deal with, but as with all things you live and learn. A few weeks on I feel a lot healthier, the ten weeks of this pregnancy were difficult, I felt ill for most of it and so maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Luckily I had wonderful family and friends around me who were supportive and caring. Having been through this experience I’d urge anyone in the same position as me to really question their doctor as to what exactly is going to happen and when and to gather as much support around you as possible."
Samantha Sintes
www.indybel.com
Read more!
Friday 14 August 2009
Giving birth in Spain
I always say the same thing when people ask me about giving birth in Spain - "different doesn't necessarily mean worse". Undoubtedly giving birth in Spain is for the most part a different experience to giving birth in the United Kingdom. For a start gas and air isn't used in Spain, but then nor is it in the vast majority of other European countries. Infact I think recall that it is considered old fashioned by many! It can also be said that Spain has had historically a more clinical approach to pregnancy and delivery than most, with the pregnant woman practically being treated as if she were "ill" as opposed to expecting a child. But as with everything, times change. What one woman may have experienced last year may not be relevant to a mum's pending experience this year. Admittedly the progression being made varies greatly depending on the part of the country you look at. There are certainly still many hospitals which are still heavily rooted in the ways of old, but equally there are many that are really making a conscious effort to provide more to the expectant mother. Up until the 1970s all births took place in the home and with a midwife present. It seems strange to me that things went so dramatically the other way when midwives were pretty much taken out of the equation completely, and pregnancy and delivery became entirely led by an obstetrician. I know that when I was pregnant in 2006, despite going to a private hospital, I wasn't given an opportunity to meet any midwife. When I asked for an appointment to see her I was told that wasn't possible and I would not meet any midwife until I was in labour! When I asked for a tour of the delivery suite they looked at me like I was mad, but they did organise it for me. Looking back I shouldn't have asked for it cos it truly scared me! It all looked so clinical and uninviting.....but of course the next time you go there it doesn't look half as bad as contractions are keeping you occupied enough that you don't even notice the clinical "feel" of the place!
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Hypnobirthing in Spain
HypnoBirthing® is a complete birth education programme, that teaches simple but specific self hypnosis, relaxation and breathing techniques for a better birth. Mums in Spain brings you two stories from Hypnobirth Educators based in Spain. This technique could hold the answer to a calm and enjoyable birth experience.
HypnoBirthing® is said to be much more than just self hypnosis or hypnotherapy for childbirth, its advocates claiming that those who choose to pursue this “technique” will discover that severe pain does not have to be an accompaniment of labour, with birthing mothers learning how to release the fears and anxieties that they may have about giving birth and how to overcome previous traumatic births. Primarily it is about learning how to put yourself back in control of your birth - rather than blindly turning your birthing experience over to your doctor or midwife.
We all have a stereotypical view of hypnotherapy, perhaps from what we have seen on TV in recent years where sometimes unsuspecting “patients” don’t appear to know what they are doing or why. HypnoBirthing® however doesn't mean you'll be in a trance or a sleep. Rather, you'll be able to chat, and be and in good spirits - totally relaxed, but fully in control. You'll always be aware of what is happening to you, and around you.
Mums in Spain brings you two stories from mothers, both living in Spain, who not only turned to HypnoBirthing® for their own births, but were so impressed by its benefits they decided to become fully qualified HypnoBirthing® educators themselves. Please read Zoe and Juliette’s stories below. For those who might be interested in exploring this concept further, full contact details can be found at the bottom of the article for both Zoe and Juliette.
Zoe Prendergast - Barcelona
“Hello, my name is Zoe, I am mum to Osip who is now four, and we live in Barcelona. I really want to share my birthing story with all of you. I became pregnant whilst living in Spain. I wanted to have a natural birth, but as my pregnancy progressed I became aware that birthing in Spain is a very medicalised event. I heard alot of stories from other mothers who had experienced a great deal of intervention in hospital, from inductions to cesarians, when all they really wanted was to be left alone to birth in peace. There seems to be little understanding or tolerance of women who choose to birth their babies naturally amoungst medical caregivers in this country.
I finally decided that, to have the natural birth I wanted, the only realistic option was to find a private midwife and plan for a home birth, which I did. However, although this made me feel well prepared in a practical way, I did not feel at all prepared or supported emotionally. I reached the fifth month of my pregnancy with the realisation that I was actually carrying a great deal of fear about giving birth, not only fear about pain, but also the huge worry of ending up in hospital and getting into the downward spiral of one intervention leading to another.
On my last trip home to the U.K. at about 28 weeks pregnant I was flicking through a natural health magazineand I saw an ad for Hypnobirthing. As I had successfully become a non smoker using Hypnotherapy before I became pregnant, this ad caught my eye.So I gave them a call.
The course was amazing. I learned all kinds of simple self hypnosis and deep relaxation and breathing techniques that were especially tailored to birth preparation. I was relieved to find that alot of the course focussed on fear release using visualisation, really getting to the heart of my fears and helping me to find practical solutions to face any turn that my birthing might take. I came to understand that pain and discomfort came out of fear and anxiety, and without fear, pain could be eliminated.. We also looked at how to diplomatically deal with medical caregivers, how to write a good birth plan, and the birth itself was gone through in every detail. I left the course feeling very well prepared and relaxed.
In the last two months of my pregnancy I practised Hypnobirthing every day for about 30 minutes.This involved listening to C.D's and relaxing.
Osip's birth began one sunny morning in June with the show. I called my midwife and she told me just to get on with a normal life as I could be up to a week away from birthing.. I pottered around on the terrace planting marigolds! About 6 pm I realised that my contractions, or expansions as the are called in Hypnobirthing parlance, were coming every 10 minutes, although I was not experiencing any discomfort, only tightening sensations. I listened to my Hypnobirthing CD's and put myself into a state of deep relaxation. At 9pm my waters broke, I called my midwife who said she was on her way. I was still only experiencing tightening sensations, no pain at all. Expansions were now every two or three minutes. I went to the toilet, and there was Osip's head!!! My partner immediately calledan ambulance, and Osip was delivered by the lovely, kind ambulance lady about 5 minutes after she arrived. No pain, no pushing, no tearing. A wonderful ,calm, joyous home birth!
Osip was a very calm baby. Alot of Mums who have had babies using Hypnobirthing say their babies are calm and serene, no colic, no breastfeeding problems, good sleepers. it is obvoius that a good, calm, happy birth means calm, happy mothers and babies.
I was so impressed by Hypnobirthing that I decided to train as a Hypnobirthing educator. I am now running classes in Barcelona! Please do get in touch if you would like to know more about Hypnobirthing.”
Juliette Brooks - Costa del Sol
“Hello my name is Juliette and I have been based in Estepona, Spain for the last 9 years with my husband.
In 2005 I fell pregnant with our first child. I initially had all my care privately in Spain but soon realised my options for birth were quite limited. I was shocked and scared to find out that my only option regarding pain relief was an epidural. I really am not keen on needles and also knew the increased risks of intervention were much higher with the use of an epidural. I really wanted to try for a natural birth. At 24 weeks gestation we decided to birth at St Bernards Hospital in Gibraltar. Four days prior to my due date my contractions started at 7 minutes apart, we made our way down to Gibraltar and checked into the hospital at about 5pm, at about 10.30pm my waters broke and then things really picked up! It was at this point that I was asked if I wanted any pain relief. I had some pethadine and used entinox (gas and air) for the next few hours. My contractions were almost on top of each other for the last 3 hours!! Our daughter was born just before 3am. With a first labour that only lasted about 12 hours - I thought this was a great birth until I experienced my second.
We had to spend a short period of time in the UK in 2007. I was pregnant for the second time and wanted to do a refresher ante natal course. I contacted the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) in my area but all the classes were full!!! I was advised to look around for something else on the internet. You have no idea I lucky I feel today – if they had not been fully booked I would have never had the amazing birth that I did with HypnoBirthing.
I contacted a HypnoBirthing practitioner near to where I was living and she invited me along to one of her coffee mornings to meet other mums who had HypnoBirthed. I went along and had an amazing morning. I met 3 separate women all with different birthing stories but all who thoroughly enjoyed their births. They all birthed naturally and with little pain. There was another woman there who had had “special circumstances” ..... Or complications as most people know it. She also said that she would not have made it through without the HypnoBirthing – it enabled her to stay calm and make the right decisions without panicing. She also said she felt she had an amazing birth thanks to the HypnoBirthing.
I went home and that night I told my husband that I had decided to do HypnoBirthing. Needless to say he thought I was a complete fruit cake!!! But he said he would support my decision and attend the classes with me but not to expect too much from him.
On our first class – he was the one asking the questions and really got into it. By the 3rd session he turned to me and asked me why we had not thought about a home birth!!
I had to listen to the Rainbow Relaxation CD daily and began to read the book. There were all sorts of things to practise with each week but they were easy to do and did not take long. I used to listen to the CD when I went to bed at night – I do not think I ever got to the end of it without falling asleep!
My entire feelings changed towards birth. Although my first birth was incredibly painful, I knew that this birth would be completely different. After the course I had no doubt in my mind that I would be able to birth easily and comfortably.... and that is exactly how it happened.
My surges (contractions) started at about 5.30pm, I was comfortable and just getting on with things until about 8.30pm. My sister in law came to pick up our daughter just before 8pm and at around 8.30 I put on my Rainbow Relaxation cd and lay down on the sofa. The surge breathing (taught in the class) was amazing and I was comfortable all the time. The midwife arrived about 9ish, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the baby’s heartbeat. I had no internal checks at all. At about 9.15pm I asked if I could get into the birth pool, I knew if I didn’t get it then I may not be able to after as my legs were beginning to ache a bit. The feeling of the water was amazing.... it really helped me to relax even more. I now had to really focus on the CD that was playing and the breathing techniques. The visualisation techniques taught were a real help as well. I was still comfortable at this time although my legs were really aching now. I had 2-3 more surges and I thought to myself if this feeling in my legs gets any stronger I may have to have some entinox. Moments later I called out “she’s here”. I felt her move down. At 9.55pm the midwives added more hot water to the pool and I gently breathed her down- there was no forced pushing. At 10.03pm her head was out and she was born at 10.06pm.
Just over 4.5hrs of labour, with no pain relief. It was the most amazing experience of my life. No one ever wants to talk about good birth stories – all you ever here about is the bad and gruesome ones. I loved every moment of my labour and birth and 3 weeks after I decided to train as a HypnoBirthing practitioner so I could teach and share this knowledge with other women and birth companions here in Spain.
The HypnoBirthing course is a complete education programme for mothers and birth companions who want a calmer, gentler and easier birthing experience. It is nothing weird and certainly nothing new. HypnoBirthing has now been running for 20 years. Most people are sceptical at first and think they will feel out of control, when in actual fact hypnosis heightens your senses. It enables you to become deeply relaxed thus helping you to work with your body and your baby and not fight against something that is so natural.
It is suitable for all types of birth as well.... not just natural birth. Great for VBAC’s and Caesarean. What it achieves is a calmer birthing experience for you, your birth companion and your baby whatever the circumstances. 75% of natural births are with No Pain Relief.”
Zoe Prendergast
http://acupunctureforpregnancyandchildbirth.blogspot.com
Email: zoeprendergast@gmail.com This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 654 986 735 Tel: +34 93 319 7414
Juliette Brooks
Love Your Birth http://www.loveyourbirth.org
julie@loveyourbirth.org This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 630 131 349
Further Reading and Recommended Links:
HypnoBirthing® The Mongan Method – http://www.hypnobirthing.co.uk
Read more!
HypnoBirthing® is said to be much more than just self hypnosis or hypnotherapy for childbirth, its advocates claiming that those who choose to pursue this “technique” will discover that severe pain does not have to be an accompaniment of labour, with birthing mothers learning how to release the fears and anxieties that they may have about giving birth and how to overcome previous traumatic births. Primarily it is about learning how to put yourself back in control of your birth - rather than blindly turning your birthing experience over to your doctor or midwife.
We all have a stereotypical view of hypnotherapy, perhaps from what we have seen on TV in recent years where sometimes unsuspecting “patients” don’t appear to know what they are doing or why. HypnoBirthing® however doesn't mean you'll be in a trance or a sleep. Rather, you'll be able to chat, and be and in good spirits - totally relaxed, but fully in control. You'll always be aware of what is happening to you, and around you.
Mums in Spain brings you two stories from mothers, both living in Spain, who not only turned to HypnoBirthing® for their own births, but were so impressed by its benefits they decided to become fully qualified HypnoBirthing® educators themselves. Please read Zoe and Juliette’s stories below. For those who might be interested in exploring this concept further, full contact details can be found at the bottom of the article for both Zoe and Juliette.
Zoe Prendergast - Barcelona
“Hello, my name is Zoe, I am mum to Osip who is now four, and we live in Barcelona. I really want to share my birthing story with all of you. I became pregnant whilst living in Spain. I wanted to have a natural birth, but as my pregnancy progressed I became aware that birthing in Spain is a very medicalised event. I heard alot of stories from other mothers who had experienced a great deal of intervention in hospital, from inductions to cesarians, when all they really wanted was to be left alone to birth in peace. There seems to be little understanding or tolerance of women who choose to birth their babies naturally amoungst medical caregivers in this country.
I finally decided that, to have the natural birth I wanted, the only realistic option was to find a private midwife and plan for a home birth, which I did. However, although this made me feel well prepared in a practical way, I did not feel at all prepared or supported emotionally. I reached the fifth month of my pregnancy with the realisation that I was actually carrying a great deal of fear about giving birth, not only fear about pain, but also the huge worry of ending up in hospital and getting into the downward spiral of one intervention leading to another.
On my last trip home to the U.K. at about 28 weeks pregnant I was flicking through a natural health magazineand I saw an ad for Hypnobirthing. As I had successfully become a non smoker using Hypnotherapy before I became pregnant, this ad caught my eye.So I gave them a call.
The course was amazing. I learned all kinds of simple self hypnosis and deep relaxation and breathing techniques that were especially tailored to birth preparation. I was relieved to find that alot of the course focussed on fear release using visualisation, really getting to the heart of my fears and helping me to find practical solutions to face any turn that my birthing might take. I came to understand that pain and discomfort came out of fear and anxiety, and without fear, pain could be eliminated.. We also looked at how to diplomatically deal with medical caregivers, how to write a good birth plan, and the birth itself was gone through in every detail. I left the course feeling very well prepared and relaxed.
In the last two months of my pregnancy I practised Hypnobirthing every day for about 30 minutes.This involved listening to C.D's and relaxing.
Osip's birth began one sunny morning in June with the show. I called my midwife and she told me just to get on with a normal life as I could be up to a week away from birthing.. I pottered around on the terrace planting marigolds! About 6 pm I realised that my contractions, or expansions as the are called in Hypnobirthing parlance, were coming every 10 minutes, although I was not experiencing any discomfort, only tightening sensations. I listened to my Hypnobirthing CD's and put myself into a state of deep relaxation. At 9pm my waters broke, I called my midwife who said she was on her way. I was still only experiencing tightening sensations, no pain at all. Expansions were now every two or three minutes. I went to the toilet, and there was Osip's head!!! My partner immediately calledan ambulance, and Osip was delivered by the lovely, kind ambulance lady about 5 minutes after she arrived. No pain, no pushing, no tearing. A wonderful ,calm, joyous home birth!
Osip was a very calm baby. Alot of Mums who have had babies using Hypnobirthing say their babies are calm and serene, no colic, no breastfeeding problems, good sleepers. it is obvoius that a good, calm, happy birth means calm, happy mothers and babies.
I was so impressed by Hypnobirthing that I decided to train as a Hypnobirthing educator. I am now running classes in Barcelona! Please do get in touch if you would like to know more about Hypnobirthing.”
Juliette Brooks - Costa del Sol
“Hello my name is Juliette and I have been based in Estepona, Spain for the last 9 years with my husband.
In 2005 I fell pregnant with our first child. I initially had all my care privately in Spain but soon realised my options for birth were quite limited. I was shocked and scared to find out that my only option regarding pain relief was an epidural. I really am not keen on needles and also knew the increased risks of intervention were much higher with the use of an epidural. I really wanted to try for a natural birth. At 24 weeks gestation we decided to birth at St Bernards Hospital in Gibraltar. Four days prior to my due date my contractions started at 7 minutes apart, we made our way down to Gibraltar and checked into the hospital at about 5pm, at about 10.30pm my waters broke and then things really picked up! It was at this point that I was asked if I wanted any pain relief. I had some pethadine and used entinox (gas and air) for the next few hours. My contractions were almost on top of each other for the last 3 hours!! Our daughter was born just before 3am. With a first labour that only lasted about 12 hours - I thought this was a great birth until I experienced my second.
We had to spend a short period of time in the UK in 2007. I was pregnant for the second time and wanted to do a refresher ante natal course. I contacted the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) in my area but all the classes were full!!! I was advised to look around for something else on the internet. You have no idea I lucky I feel today – if they had not been fully booked I would have never had the amazing birth that I did with HypnoBirthing.
I contacted a HypnoBirthing practitioner near to where I was living and she invited me along to one of her coffee mornings to meet other mums who had HypnoBirthed. I went along and had an amazing morning. I met 3 separate women all with different birthing stories but all who thoroughly enjoyed their births. They all birthed naturally and with little pain. There was another woman there who had had “special circumstances” ..... Or complications as most people know it. She also said that she would not have made it through without the HypnoBirthing – it enabled her to stay calm and make the right decisions without panicing. She also said she felt she had an amazing birth thanks to the HypnoBirthing.
I went home and that night I told my husband that I had decided to do HypnoBirthing. Needless to say he thought I was a complete fruit cake!!! But he said he would support my decision and attend the classes with me but not to expect too much from him.
On our first class – he was the one asking the questions and really got into it. By the 3rd session he turned to me and asked me why we had not thought about a home birth!!
I had to listen to the Rainbow Relaxation CD daily and began to read the book. There were all sorts of things to practise with each week but they were easy to do and did not take long. I used to listen to the CD when I went to bed at night – I do not think I ever got to the end of it without falling asleep!
My entire feelings changed towards birth. Although my first birth was incredibly painful, I knew that this birth would be completely different. After the course I had no doubt in my mind that I would be able to birth easily and comfortably.... and that is exactly how it happened.
My surges (contractions) started at about 5.30pm, I was comfortable and just getting on with things until about 8.30pm. My sister in law came to pick up our daughter just before 8pm and at around 8.30 I put on my Rainbow Relaxation cd and lay down on the sofa. The surge breathing (taught in the class) was amazing and I was comfortable all the time. The midwife arrived about 9ish, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the baby’s heartbeat. I had no internal checks at all. At about 9.15pm I asked if I could get into the birth pool, I knew if I didn’t get it then I may not be able to after as my legs were beginning to ache a bit. The feeling of the water was amazing.... it really helped me to relax even more. I now had to really focus on the CD that was playing and the breathing techniques. The visualisation techniques taught were a real help as well. I was still comfortable at this time although my legs were really aching now. I had 2-3 more surges and I thought to myself if this feeling in my legs gets any stronger I may have to have some entinox. Moments later I called out “she’s here”. I felt her move down. At 9.55pm the midwives added more hot water to the pool and I gently breathed her down- there was no forced pushing. At 10.03pm her head was out and she was born at 10.06pm.
Just over 4.5hrs of labour, with no pain relief. It was the most amazing experience of my life. No one ever wants to talk about good birth stories – all you ever here about is the bad and gruesome ones. I loved every moment of my labour and birth and 3 weeks after I decided to train as a HypnoBirthing practitioner so I could teach and share this knowledge with other women and birth companions here in Spain.
The HypnoBirthing course is a complete education programme for mothers and birth companions who want a calmer, gentler and easier birthing experience. It is nothing weird and certainly nothing new. HypnoBirthing has now been running for 20 years. Most people are sceptical at first and think they will feel out of control, when in actual fact hypnosis heightens your senses. It enables you to become deeply relaxed thus helping you to work with your body and your baby and not fight against something that is so natural.
It is suitable for all types of birth as well.... not just natural birth. Great for VBAC’s and Caesarean. What it achieves is a calmer birthing experience for you, your birth companion and your baby whatever the circumstances. 75% of natural births are with No Pain Relief.”
Zoe Prendergast
http://acupunctureforpregnancyandchildbirth.blogspot.com
Email: zoeprendergast@gmail.com This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 654 986 735 Tel: +34 93 319 7414
Juliette Brooks
Love Your Birth http://www.loveyourbirth.org
julie@loveyourbirth.org This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 630 131 349
Further Reading and Recommended Links:
HypnoBirthing® The Mongan Method – http://www.hypnobirthing.co.uk
Read more!
Thursday 13 August 2009
Family Law in Spain
In this article Eirene Trujillo, Spanish Abogado & Sandra Wrightson, an English Overseas Barrister with DeCotta McKenna & Santafé, guide us through the complexities of a parent's legal responsibilites as well as the right's of children here in Spain in the unfortunate event that their parents separate or divorce and the impact of both parties.
Many younger people are moving to Spain to start a new life and enjoy the family-friendly lifestyle offered here, and many are starting families or relocating their families here. Inevitably some of these relationships will change and result in the parents living separate lives. It is at this moment that it is so important for the children and the parents that legal assistance is sought as soon as possible so as to navigate a solution to often complex issues.
Spanish family law recognises equal rights of children whether the parents are married or not. There are a number of established legal procedures and precedents that relate to parental responsibility and rights when a relationship breaks down, encompassing the range of issues such as custody, visiting rights and maintenance.
In Spain parents must be represented by a lawyer and Procurator as well as the “Ministerio Fiscal”, the official solicitor that defends the rights of children in Spain.
Since there are a number of obligations and responsibilities that parents must fulfill towards their children in Spain, it is important that both parents are legally identified. A paternity test can be requested, but in court it is expected that there is sufficient evidence to prove who the parent is to justify the request. To help show that the test is warranted it is expected that evidence such as family photographs, letters, cards and witness statements are presented.
Parental Responsibility
The obligations of parents towards their children to provide everything necessary for care and well being are balanced with their rights. Both parents in Spain have equal rights with regards to making decisions that affect the well being and up bringing of the children, pertaining to issues such as education, religion, health etc. So if the parents are living apart and one parent has custody over the child, both parents still have equal rights over key decisions in the up bringing of the child and the court will defend the rights and responsibilities of both parents, irrespective of where the child is living.
In additional during legal proceedings or in complex cases, such as domestic violence, where one parent cannot see the other, both parents still retain the right to have access to and share in the life of the child. So even in cases where the parents cannot have contact, visiting with the child can still be arranged in a controlled, safe environment such as “Punto de Encuentro Familiar” or Family Contact Centre.
Custody & Access
In Spain, with regards to legal decisions over child custody & access, the court takes into account the views of children who are mature enough to express their views, this can vary but is generally children over 12 years. This progressive approach helps to balance the rights and wishes of the parents with those of the child. Typically though we find that parents already base their custody requests on the wishes of the children, but in contested cases, it should be noted the rights of a mature child will be considered.
In cases when parents have reached an amicable solution to custody, without the need to legal challenges, the court will still want to see that there is a default legal agreement in place in case that the amicable agreement breaks down. In Spain the typical default agreement is weekends with alternate parents, 4 weeks over the summer and alternate Christmas and Easter festivals.
Maintenance & Child Support
In all cases in Spain both parents are obliged to provide their children with support,. If English law is applied this includes children who have been treated as part of the family even if one of the parents is not the biological parent. Spanish law does not recognise the obligation to pay maintenance to non-biological children and this can be important in “second” families. Maintenance encompasses the core elements of a child’s well being such as education, healthcare, clothing and housing.
It is worth noting that in Spain, maintenance is an equal responsibility in the eyes of the court and is not automatically awarded in the mother’s favour. In addition it will be proportional to the parent’s financial capacity and the relevant needs of the child. Should these elements change, then it would potentially be possible to seek a modification of the maintenance.
Another important issue is that Family Law in these matters applies in Spain when the child is “habitually resident” in Spain. Therefore it applies to children here in Spain even if they were born in another country, such as the UK or Ireland. So, even if the parents are not domiciled in Spain, but the child has been resident here for a number of months and has started kindergarten or school and formed friendships and relations here, then Family law disputes must be settled in Spain. If parents return to the UK for example, typically now the UK courts will refer the case back to Spain where the child has been habitually resident.
Once child support and maintenance has been requested legally and later awarded, it cannot be back dated to before the date of the legal request. So it is best to seek legal advice as soon as possible in the case of a relationship breakdown.
In general terms, Family Law in Spain is fair, balanced and progressive. However there can be delays in getting a court date. Parents cannot choose the jurisdiction in which to go to court – they must go to their local court and of course some courts are busier than others.
When thinking about families and children, it is also a little sad to consider relationship breakdown, but this is a fact of life and if parents can work together in a fair compassionate way with good legal representation, then not only are the rights of children respected and protected but the parents too can be confident of a fair solution, respecting and balancing their obligations and rights.
If you would like to book a confidential consultation and discuss Family Law, please contact Sandra Wrightson, De Cotta, McKenna & Santafé – the firm has offices in Mijas-Costa, Coín, Nerja, Granada & Tenerife, with associates in the UK and across Europe.
Sandra Wrightson is an English Barrister Overseas, at De Cotta McKenna y Santafé, your local law firm offering support with all aspects of Spanish Law for English speaking clients.The head office is at:
Centro Comercial Valdepinos 1 y 3ª
Urb. Calypso
29649 Mijas Costa (Málaga)
Tel.: +34 952 931 781
Fax: +34 952 933 547
Email sandrawrightson@decottalaw.net
website: www.decottalaw.com
Read more!
Many younger people are moving to Spain to start a new life and enjoy the family-friendly lifestyle offered here, and many are starting families or relocating their families here. Inevitably some of these relationships will change and result in the parents living separate lives. It is at this moment that it is so important for the children and the parents that legal assistance is sought as soon as possible so as to navigate a solution to often complex issues.
Spanish family law recognises equal rights of children whether the parents are married or not. There are a number of established legal procedures and precedents that relate to parental responsibility and rights when a relationship breaks down, encompassing the range of issues such as custody, visiting rights and maintenance.
In Spain parents must be represented by a lawyer and Procurator as well as the “Ministerio Fiscal”, the official solicitor that defends the rights of children in Spain.
Since there are a number of obligations and responsibilities that parents must fulfill towards their children in Spain, it is important that both parents are legally identified. A paternity test can be requested, but in court it is expected that there is sufficient evidence to prove who the parent is to justify the request. To help show that the test is warranted it is expected that evidence such as family photographs, letters, cards and witness statements are presented.
Parental Responsibility
The obligations of parents towards their children to provide everything necessary for care and well being are balanced with their rights. Both parents in Spain have equal rights with regards to making decisions that affect the well being and up bringing of the children, pertaining to issues such as education, religion, health etc. So if the parents are living apart and one parent has custody over the child, both parents still have equal rights over key decisions in the up bringing of the child and the court will defend the rights and responsibilities of both parents, irrespective of where the child is living.
In additional during legal proceedings or in complex cases, such as domestic violence, where one parent cannot see the other, both parents still retain the right to have access to and share in the life of the child. So even in cases where the parents cannot have contact, visiting with the child can still be arranged in a controlled, safe environment such as “Punto de Encuentro Familiar” or Family Contact Centre.
Custody & Access
In Spain, with regards to legal decisions over child custody & access, the court takes into account the views of children who are mature enough to express their views, this can vary but is generally children over 12 years. This progressive approach helps to balance the rights and wishes of the parents with those of the child. Typically though we find that parents already base their custody requests on the wishes of the children, but in contested cases, it should be noted the rights of a mature child will be considered.
In cases when parents have reached an amicable solution to custody, without the need to legal challenges, the court will still want to see that there is a default legal agreement in place in case that the amicable agreement breaks down. In Spain the typical default agreement is weekends with alternate parents, 4 weeks over the summer and alternate Christmas and Easter festivals.
Maintenance & Child Support
In all cases in Spain both parents are obliged to provide their children with support,. If English law is applied this includes children who have been treated as part of the family even if one of the parents is not the biological parent. Spanish law does not recognise the obligation to pay maintenance to non-biological children and this can be important in “second” families. Maintenance encompasses the core elements of a child’s well being such as education, healthcare, clothing and housing.
It is worth noting that in Spain, maintenance is an equal responsibility in the eyes of the court and is not automatically awarded in the mother’s favour. In addition it will be proportional to the parent’s financial capacity and the relevant needs of the child. Should these elements change, then it would potentially be possible to seek a modification of the maintenance.
Another important issue is that Family Law in these matters applies in Spain when the child is “habitually resident” in Spain. Therefore it applies to children here in Spain even if they were born in another country, such as the UK or Ireland. So, even if the parents are not domiciled in Spain, but the child has been resident here for a number of months and has started kindergarten or school and formed friendships and relations here, then Family law disputes must be settled in Spain. If parents return to the UK for example, typically now the UK courts will refer the case back to Spain where the child has been habitually resident.
Once child support and maintenance has been requested legally and later awarded, it cannot be back dated to before the date of the legal request. So it is best to seek legal advice as soon as possible in the case of a relationship breakdown.
In general terms, Family Law in Spain is fair, balanced and progressive. However there can be delays in getting a court date. Parents cannot choose the jurisdiction in which to go to court – they must go to their local court and of course some courts are busier than others.
When thinking about families and children, it is also a little sad to consider relationship breakdown, but this is a fact of life and if parents can work together in a fair compassionate way with good legal representation, then not only are the rights of children respected and protected but the parents too can be confident of a fair solution, respecting and balancing their obligations and rights.
If you would like to book a confidential consultation and discuss Family Law, please contact Sandra Wrightson, De Cotta, McKenna & Santafé – the firm has offices in Mijas-Costa, Coín, Nerja, Granada & Tenerife, with associates in the UK and across Europe.
Sandra Wrightson is an English Barrister Overseas, at De Cotta McKenna y Santafé, your local law firm offering support with all aspects of Spanish Law for English speaking clients.The head office is at:
Centro Comercial Valdepinos 1 y 3ª
Urb. Calypso
29649 Mijas Costa (Málaga)
Tel.: +34 952 931 781
Fax: +34 952 933 547
Email sandrawrightson@decottalaw.net
website: www.decottalaw.com
Read more!
The Truth about Stretch Marks
HAVE YOUR SAY - I at least was told, when I was pregnant, that despite all the marketing behind preventing stretch marks during pregnancy there really was very little that you could do to prevent them. It was a case of if you were going to get them...you were going to get them!
Mainly due to a hereditary predisposition, if your mother had got bad stretch marks, or if you already had stretch marks on your body from other "conditions" then you were most likely destined to get them.
So when I was pregnant, struggling with my burgeoning tummy, I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before I lay victim to this dreaded "stamp of pregnancy". I did apply oil to my tummy most days thinking that at least it would keep my skin supple and healthy (I did love my pregnant stomach!) but I didn't really believe that it would keep stretch marks at bay. I already had some minor stretch marks from growth spurts, and no doubt fluctuating weight over the years already so I was sure that it was simply a matter of time. But they never materialised! Of course I'm not complaining...but what really is the truth about stretch marks? My skin was clearly prone to them, but a huge fluid-filled belly for the final couple of months of pregnancy was not enough to force them out. So should we keep applying the oils and lotions? Do they make a difference? Or are we already fated, one way or the other? If you don't get them for your first pregnancy, does that mean you will escape them for you second?
There seems to be plenty of advice and opinion out there but what are your experiences? Take the opportunity to have your say in the comment section at the end of this article.
Colette Bouchez shares some fairly well reported advice below:
Stretching the truth: How to beat stretch marks - for good!
Among the most common of all pregnancy-related skin problems is undoubtedly stretch marks -- those deep red, sometimes blue lines that can occur not only on your tummy, but also on your breasts, upper arms, hips, thighs and even your buttocks. Medically known as striae gravidarum, they usually begin in the second trimester frequently starting at the navel and fanning out over your abdomen in what a pregnant girlfriend of mine now refers to as her "personal beach ball" pattern!
Who is at risk?
While the folklore on how to prevent stretch marks has practically become a cottage industry, the reality is, there are only a few factors that are capable of influencing whether or not you experience this problem. First and foremost, is your heredity. If your mom had stretch marks -- or if you had them in a previous pregnancy -- then you're a prime candidate now. Ethnicity matters too. While African American women are the least likely to experience stretch marks, natural blondes with light complexions are at greatest risk.
The good news is there are also some factors related to stretch marks that you can control. So, even if you are prone to this problem, there are ways to decrease your risks -- starting with watching your weight and keeping extra pounds under control. How can this help? When skin is forced to stretch too rapidly, the underlying dermal structure breaks down allowing stretch marks to develop. And while it is imperative that you gain a healthy amount of weight during your pregnancy, a slow and gradual gain is best -- not only for your baby but for your body.
Keep your skin hydrated
Equally important is keeping your overall body complexion well hydrated, particularly your stomach and breast. This is especially important if you are gaining weight quickly. Because skin that is supple and soft has more elastic qualities, you are less likely to experience stretch marks if your skin is well moisturized.
While from a cosmetic standpoint almost any product that is good for dry skin is great for belly moisturizing, it's also important to remember that the more a product is absorbed into the skin, the more likely it is that tiny capillaries -- already dilated from pregnancy -- can pick up ingredients and carry them into your bloodstream and eventually, to your baby.
This can be especially disconcerting if you are using product containing a lot of chemicals and especially preservatives. While what you retain will be exceptionably small and not much cause for concern, whenever possible doctors recommend that during pregnancy you choose the purest, most natural skin care products possible, particularly for use on your stomach. One product that can give you all the moisturizer properties you need without any risks is pure cocoa butter
While there is no scientific evidence to show that it prevents stretch marks, generations of women have proven that it does appear to have some preventative properties. This all- natural fat derived from the cocoa bean is known to have superior moisturizing properties and is able to keep skin moist and conditioned enough to avoid stretch marks. The key, however, is find as close to 100 percent pure cocoa butter as you can get -- or order the equivalent of medical grade cocoa butter direct from your pharmacy.
Not too late to lubricate!
And remember -- for those of you already experiencing stretch marks, it's not too late to lubricate. Stretched skin that is kept supple and soft is far more likely to return to normal once your pregnancy weight is lost -- and any stretch marks you do experience are far more likely to disappear on their own, usually beginning two weeks after you deliver.
Preventing stretch marks -- naturally!
If you let her, Mother Nature could be your skin's best ally during pregnancy. Some of the most skin-quenching products you can use, are those you make yourself with ingredients that can be found right in your kitchen.
What you can try:
Two tablespoons of honey in a warm bath can draw moisture to your skin. If you're a shower girl, bring a plastic squeeze bottle of honey into the tub, and after tummy is wet, squeeze a little honey directly on your belly and rub in. Let it remain while you continue your shower and rinse off right before you're done.
Make your own all-natural cocoa butter by heating equal parts of grated cocoa butter and coconut oil in a microwave until melted. Stir well, let cool and apply generously on your tummy, hips, buttocks, breast and arms.
Soak a clean, white cloth in small dish of warm milk, squeeze out and apply the compress to your belly for up to 15 minutes. Re-dip several times, and reapply as needed.
Read more!
Mainly due to a hereditary predisposition, if your mother had got bad stretch marks, or if you already had stretch marks on your body from other "conditions" then you were most likely destined to get them.
So when I was pregnant, struggling with my burgeoning tummy, I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before I lay victim to this dreaded "stamp of pregnancy". I did apply oil to my tummy most days thinking that at least it would keep my skin supple and healthy (I did love my pregnant stomach!) but I didn't really believe that it would keep stretch marks at bay. I already had some minor stretch marks from growth spurts, and no doubt fluctuating weight over the years already so I was sure that it was simply a matter of time. But they never materialised! Of course I'm not complaining...but what really is the truth about stretch marks? My skin was clearly prone to them, but a huge fluid-filled belly for the final couple of months of pregnancy was not enough to force them out. So should we keep applying the oils and lotions? Do they make a difference? Or are we already fated, one way or the other? If you don't get them for your first pregnancy, does that mean you will escape them for you second?
There seems to be plenty of advice and opinion out there but what are your experiences? Take the opportunity to have your say in the comment section at the end of this article.
Colette Bouchez shares some fairly well reported advice below:
Stretching the truth: How to beat stretch marks - for good!
Among the most common of all pregnancy-related skin problems is undoubtedly stretch marks -- those deep red, sometimes blue lines that can occur not only on your tummy, but also on your breasts, upper arms, hips, thighs and even your buttocks. Medically known as striae gravidarum, they usually begin in the second trimester frequently starting at the navel and fanning out over your abdomen in what a pregnant girlfriend of mine now refers to as her "personal beach ball" pattern!
Who is at risk?
While the folklore on how to prevent stretch marks has practically become a cottage industry, the reality is, there are only a few factors that are capable of influencing whether or not you experience this problem. First and foremost, is your heredity. If your mom had stretch marks -- or if you had them in a previous pregnancy -- then you're a prime candidate now. Ethnicity matters too. While African American women are the least likely to experience stretch marks, natural blondes with light complexions are at greatest risk.
The good news is there are also some factors related to stretch marks that you can control. So, even if you are prone to this problem, there are ways to decrease your risks -- starting with watching your weight and keeping extra pounds under control. How can this help? When skin is forced to stretch too rapidly, the underlying dermal structure breaks down allowing stretch marks to develop. And while it is imperative that you gain a healthy amount of weight during your pregnancy, a slow and gradual gain is best -- not only for your baby but for your body.
Keep your skin hydrated
Equally important is keeping your overall body complexion well hydrated, particularly your stomach and breast. This is especially important if you are gaining weight quickly. Because skin that is supple and soft has more elastic qualities, you are less likely to experience stretch marks if your skin is well moisturized.
While from a cosmetic standpoint almost any product that is good for dry skin is great for belly moisturizing, it's also important to remember that the more a product is absorbed into the skin, the more likely it is that tiny capillaries -- already dilated from pregnancy -- can pick up ingredients and carry them into your bloodstream and eventually, to your baby.
This can be especially disconcerting if you are using product containing a lot of chemicals and especially preservatives. While what you retain will be exceptionably small and not much cause for concern, whenever possible doctors recommend that during pregnancy you choose the purest, most natural skin care products possible, particularly for use on your stomach. One product that can give you all the moisturizer properties you need without any risks is pure cocoa butter
While there is no scientific evidence to show that it prevents stretch marks, generations of women have proven that it does appear to have some preventative properties. This all- natural fat derived from the cocoa bean is known to have superior moisturizing properties and is able to keep skin moist and conditioned enough to avoid stretch marks. The key, however, is find as close to 100 percent pure cocoa butter as you can get -- or order the equivalent of medical grade cocoa butter direct from your pharmacy.
Not too late to lubricate!
And remember -- for those of you already experiencing stretch marks, it's not too late to lubricate. Stretched skin that is kept supple and soft is far more likely to return to normal once your pregnancy weight is lost -- and any stretch marks you do experience are far more likely to disappear on their own, usually beginning two weeks after you deliver.
Preventing stretch marks -- naturally!
If you let her, Mother Nature could be your skin's best ally during pregnancy. Some of the most skin-quenching products you can use, are those you make yourself with ingredients that can be found right in your kitchen.
What you can try:
Two tablespoons of honey in a warm bath can draw moisture to your skin. If you're a shower girl, bring a plastic squeeze bottle of honey into the tub, and after tummy is wet, squeeze a little honey directly on your belly and rub in. Let it remain while you continue your shower and rinse off right before you're done.
Make your own all-natural cocoa butter by heating equal parts of grated cocoa butter and coconut oil in a microwave until melted. Stir well, let cool and apply generously on your tummy, hips, buttocks, breast and arms.
Soak a clean, white cloth in small dish of warm milk, squeeze out and apply the compress to your belly for up to 15 minutes. Re-dip several times, and reapply as needed.
Read more!
Price Comparison - Spain vs. United Kingdom
Spain is well regarded as a "family friendly" country. Certainly for those coming over here on holiday they will find that the local community are very welcoming to young families, children are accomodated in restaurants and bars, quite the opposite to the United Kingdom for example. Spain in general appears to be very family orientated and this has always left me somewhat surprised at the lack of "amenities" for children, young babies in particular and also the elevated price for any products, particularly what I would call necessities such as nappies, baby wipes, formula milk, clothing, etc.
Nappies for example are practically double the price to what I could expect to find in the United Kingdom, as is formula milk. I actually live close to Gibraltar so I used to make the treck over there to stock up on milk instead of buying it in Spain as the difference in price was so big. Why is this? Surely these items cost the same to produce here as they do elsewhere in Europe, yet only 45 minutes down the road from my home and I can stock up the same items for half the price or less.
Do you find it the same? Any ideas why this is? Share your thoughts and comments.
Read more!
Nappies for example are practically double the price to what I could expect to find in the United Kingdom, as is formula milk. I actually live close to Gibraltar so I used to make the treck over there to stock up on milk instead of buying it in Spain as the difference in price was so big. Why is this? Surely these items cost the same to produce here as they do elsewhere in Europe, yet only 45 minutes down the road from my home and I can stock up the same items for half the price or less.
Do you find it the same? Any ideas why this is? Share your thoughts and comments.
Read more!
Mums - Finding the Time to learn Spanish
As every mother will know, from the moment that we find out that we are pregnant the days where we may have put ourselves first are numbered. Finding a quiet moment to read a book, take a bubble bath, watch our favourite programme on television or flick through a glossy magazine by the pool all become distant memories.
So what of our Mums in Spain, perhaps falling pregnant after only a short time here, or those with young families who made the brave move to a new country and hopefully a better way of life? With so many other things to think about and prioritise, something as obvious as learning the local language can easily be overlooked or put to one side for when you have more time.
There are many regions of Spain where it is conceivable that you could cope with speaking no or very little Spanish. But having a young family tends to make that unlikely, or at best more difficult. Something as simple as registering your baby’s birth can become a complete nightmare if you aren’t able to make yourself understood at your local Town Hall. Enrolling your little one in the local school might seem a thoroughly daunting task when you struggle to understand the application form or the admission instructions. But it isn’t just bureaucracy that can become more laborious and painstaking because of a lack of language skills.
Standing outside the school gates, waiting patiently for your little one to come running out at the end of the day, but feeling like you need to blend into the background in case someone talks to you and you don’t understand. Knowing that you are in English a very sociable and outgoing person, but because of your complete lack of Spanish you end up feeling isolated and frustrated. Being nervous of any school activities like parents’ night or school sports day, or simply not understanding your now bilingual child when they play with friends or socialise on the beach or in the park.
But like everything, it is possible to find the time and the rewards on offer from finding that time, from taking what for many is a brave step forward, are many and varied.
Julia Mattey, Language Co-ordinator with Abla Lenguas has students who have lived in Spain for years and sign up for a total beginner's course. “They hadn't found time to learn the language so far and were quite happy getting by with half a dozen sentences” says Julia. So many of us are guilty of this, and to be perfectly honest depending on where you live in the country it would be possible to get by, but you risk missing out on so much.
Of course enjoying the experience of learning anything is also key to long-term commitment and success. “We try to make our classes lively, fun and full of student participation with the main emphasis on speaking practice” Rosa Renuncio of Fun & Culture told Mums in Spain, “our classes are very much designed to increase confidence”. We all know confidence is one of the most important things to have when learning and using a new language out in the real world.
It is one thing to apply yourself in the class room, but it can be all too easy to simply seize up when we step outside of this protective environment! A good friend of mine used to say to me “feel the fear, and do it anyway” – I used to feel that way myself when I first started practising my shaky Spanish but with the right encouragement and preparation this fear doesn’t have to engulf you!
If you happen to be a mum who might be considering improving their Spanish or even starting from scratch, it can be so easy to put up hurdles for ourselves and hide behind certain excuses. But there are lots of professionals out there who are able to offer you flexible class times and even if you aren’t able to consider going to classes regularly for whatever reason take a brave step and reach out into your Spanish community, maybe smile and say hello to a Spanish mum at the school gates. Embrace your life in Spain, there is no need for you to blend into the background.
Read more!
Friday 3 April 2009
Raising Bi-lingual Children - Is it too late?
Written by Christina Bosemark, founder of Multilingual Children's Association. If you google Christina you will find lots of other useful articles.
"After we talked, I've spoken nothing but French to my one year old for close to seven weeks
now. All of his new words are French, and from what I can tell he understands me completely." Not even two months into her campaign to raise her two children speaking French as well as English, Sheilagh Margot Riordan in Forida has noticed a dramatic difference in the progress between her two children: "My three and a half year old is much trickier. Even though I speak only French to her, she replies in English, but I guess that she understands about 70 of everything I say." Frankly, Sheilagh worries that it's already too late for her over-the-hill three year-old to become a fluent bilingual.
In our culture it sometimes feels that if you didn't spring for ballet lessons at two or violin at three, it's all over. While there's no doubt that the optimal moment to start learning languages is at birth, it's not at all impossible to achieve fluency later in life. The more language interaction you provide, the more dramatic the progress, and the easier for the child. Even older children are still kids, and they'll remain chatty and unhampered by self-consciousness. Still, transitioning into multilingualism will require motivation; here are several tried-and-true tips.
You know how when you announce that it's bedtime, your kid says, "Why?" You'll get the same
reaction to your new language program. "Why do I have to say it in Korean if I know how say it
in English already?" This is a fair question, and the answer needs to be either one of necessity, fun, or flattery. Not much else will fly. Here are some possible answers: "Because I/granny/everyone else here only speak Korean." "This book/this game/this song is in Korean." "Because you did it sooo well yesterday." "So you can teach it to baby Ethan when he is a big boy like you." "So you and Kim can have your own secret language."
After the explanation your next step will be to speak only in the minority language yourself (or nanny, or whoever is your child's primary language source). When you get confusion and glazed looks, translate. And, be reasonable; accept replies in the primary language when you first start out.
When your child answers back in the community language, say "Yes," and then repeat the sentence in the minority language. If you know your child is able to say a particular word, but is struggling to remember it, jog her memory by providing the first syllable. Be careful not to dampen her enthusiasm. Don't make speaking the second language an inflexible rule or something that becomes onerous. You'll just inspire revolution in the ranks. You might require adherence to the language rules you've set up if you know she has the vocabulary - just as you demand 'pleases' and 'thank yous.' For example, when you're child is asking for a glass of milk, you can require that she ask for it in the minority language. But if she's excited about telling you what happened at the circus, just listen, and then repeat it back in the second language. That way, you provide her the missing vocabulary in a positive way.
And, as always, praise endlessly. Even when you are providing translations or the child has just issued sixteen grammatical errors in a four-word sentence. In fact, a child simply doesn't understand if you try to correct her before the age of three. Instead, just repeat the words correctly (a process known as modeling). Alternatively, you can make a joke and say, "Oops, that came out wrong!" Laugh and provide the right way of saying it, so you keep it playful rather than corrective.
Countless parents have asked me: "So now, how do we stay firm with our language use?" Once the child has the vocabulary to understand the second language, sticking to the family language system is essential -- if you don't, you're back to square one! Just think of the things you could never let your child do, even if she begs, whines, and tantrums: things such as riding in a car without a seatbelt, not brushing her teeth, or crossing the street by herself. Don't negotiate about using the language any more than you do about these things, and she will get the picture eventually -- despite the occasional earful. Give it at least six months, and your persistence will be richly rewarded.
Sheilagh says that she realizes her trouble is well worth it and has stopped worrying about beginning too late: "Instead of looking at the things I should have done (speak French since birth), I am looking at the great achievements we have made so far."
Read more!
"After we talked, I've spoken nothing but French to my one year old for close to seven weeks
now. All of his new words are French, and from what I can tell he understands me completely." Not even two months into her campaign to raise her two children speaking French as well as English, Sheilagh Margot Riordan in Forida has noticed a dramatic difference in the progress between her two children: "My three and a half year old is much trickier. Even though I speak only French to her, she replies in English, but I guess that she understands about 70 of everything I say." Frankly, Sheilagh worries that it's already too late for her over-the-hill three year-old to become a fluent bilingual.
In our culture it sometimes feels that if you didn't spring for ballet lessons at two or violin at three, it's all over. While there's no doubt that the optimal moment to start learning languages is at birth, it's not at all impossible to achieve fluency later in life. The more language interaction you provide, the more dramatic the progress, and the easier for the child. Even older children are still kids, and they'll remain chatty and unhampered by self-consciousness. Still, transitioning into multilingualism will require motivation; here are several tried-and-true tips.
You know how when you announce that it's bedtime, your kid says, "Why?" You'll get the same
reaction to your new language program. "Why do I have to say it in Korean if I know how say it
in English already?" This is a fair question, and the answer needs to be either one of necessity, fun, or flattery. Not much else will fly. Here are some possible answers: "Because I/granny/everyone else here only speak Korean." "This book/this game/this song is in Korean." "Because you did it sooo well yesterday." "So you can teach it to baby Ethan when he is a big boy like you." "So you and Kim can have your own secret language."
After the explanation your next step will be to speak only in the minority language yourself (or nanny, or whoever is your child's primary language source). When you get confusion and glazed looks, translate. And, be reasonable; accept replies in the primary language when you first start out.
When your child answers back in the community language, say "Yes," and then repeat the sentence in the minority language. If you know your child is able to say a particular word, but is struggling to remember it, jog her memory by providing the first syllable. Be careful not to dampen her enthusiasm. Don't make speaking the second language an inflexible rule or something that becomes onerous. You'll just inspire revolution in the ranks. You might require adherence to the language rules you've set up if you know she has the vocabulary - just as you demand 'pleases' and 'thank yous.' For example, when you're child is asking for a glass of milk, you can require that she ask for it in the minority language. But if she's excited about telling you what happened at the circus, just listen, and then repeat it back in the second language. That way, you provide her the missing vocabulary in a positive way.
And, as always, praise endlessly. Even when you are providing translations or the child has just issued sixteen grammatical errors in a four-word sentence. In fact, a child simply doesn't understand if you try to correct her before the age of three. Instead, just repeat the words correctly (a process known as modeling). Alternatively, you can make a joke and say, "Oops, that came out wrong!" Laugh and provide the right way of saying it, so you keep it playful rather than corrective.
Countless parents have asked me: "So now, how do we stay firm with our language use?" Once the child has the vocabulary to understand the second language, sticking to the family language system is essential -- if you don't, you're back to square one! Just think of the things you could never let your child do, even if she begs, whines, and tantrums: things such as riding in a car without a seatbelt, not brushing her teeth, or crossing the street by herself. Don't negotiate about using the language any more than you do about these things, and she will get the picture eventually -- despite the occasional earful. Give it at least six months, and your persistence will be richly rewarded.
Sheilagh says that she realizes her trouble is well worth it and has stopped worrying about beginning too late: "Instead of looking at the things I should have done (speak French since birth), I am looking at the great achievements we have made so far."
Read more!
Using Insect Repellant during Pregnancy
The short answer to this question is that it is probably better to use natural products (usually containing citronella oil) that are certainly safe for use in pregnancy. The insect repellents that contain chemicals do absorb into your bloodstream, and therefore, will cross the placenta and reach your baby. The most commonly used (and effective) insect repellent contains a chemical known as DEET (diethyl-3-methylbenzamide).
There have been some concerns raised about the safety of using this repellent in pregnancy or on young children, but it seems that if the concentration of DEET is no more than 10% of any product, (repellents are available with DEET concentrations of 5% to 100%) the likelihood of adverse toxic effects are extremely unlikely. In high doses DEET is toxic and ingestion of the chemical has been associated with seizures and death.
If you are travelling to a malarial area, it would be better to use DEET than not, as citronella only lasts for a short period of time, and malaria is potentially fatal. It's best to get advice from your midwife or GP before planning to go overseas.
Read more!
There have been some concerns raised about the safety of using this repellent in pregnancy or on young children, but it seems that if the concentration of DEET is no more than 10% of any product, (repellents are available with DEET concentrations of 5% to 100%) the likelihood of adverse toxic effects are extremely unlikely. In high doses DEET is toxic and ingestion of the chemical has been associated with seizures and death.
If you are travelling to a malarial area, it would be better to use DEET than not, as citronella only lasts for a short period of time, and malaria is potentially fatal. It's best to get advice from your midwife or GP before planning to go overseas.
Read more!
Monday 30 March 2009
A Spanish Homebirth Story
I came across this birth story written by Dunja Jane and thought it might make interesting reading for other mums in Spain:
I am Australian but have lived in Spain for the last 16 years. I had my 2 daughters here in hospital and the emotional trauma has stayed with me since. They are now 12 and 14 years old.
In August 2005 I found to my partner's and my delight that we were expecting a baby. It was not an easy pregnancy - I don't really know why - maybe the years are taking their toll (I'm now 36) or maybe I was just over stressed with work and so on but at 21 weeks I was having an awful lot of contractions and was put to bedrest. Basically I stayed that way until the end which was very draining on everybody in the family but at least proved worth it in the long-run.
I need to explain breifly how difficult it is to have a home birth here in Spain. It was not that I originally set out to do this but it turned out to be the best option. I quite simply did not want to end up in the hospital again, with the drip, the monitor tying me to the bed, the interference from all the medical staff, the hospital environment and worst of all the obstetric chair (lithotomy position). I tried to see if things had changed since my 2nd daughter was born, but the answers I kept getting were not at all encouraging. There is no state health service here for home births. I started to look around - there were a couple of private "alternative" type clinics that did water birthing etc. but both rather far away from where we live. My 2nd daughter had been born in 1.5hrs so we were concerned that my 3rd would be even faster. No time to travel 2-3 hours to a clinic during labour.
After much searching and discussion between my partner and I - he seemed to be coming round to the idea of having our baby at home if we could just find someone qualified to attend us - I came across an association for home births on the net and got in touch with the closest midwife, who was only 40 minutes away. By this stage I was 32 weeks pregnant - baby was doing ok.....everything had pretty much settled down and now we had a viable option at last for having him at home. I spent hours and hours on the net researching and reading all I could lay hands on - that's how I found your site - and getting to know all the possible complications and arguments for and against. I was not getting any encouragement from my gynaecologist or from the state midwife who was monitoring my pregnancy. Any little thing and they would say - "oh you shouldn't have a home birth if you have this (streptococo)...or that (breech presentation)..." or any little thing. It was really hard on my confidence level even though I was feeling more and more sure about it all. In the end I had none of the things that could possibly cause any complications - baby was LOT-LOA most of the time, no infections of any kind, only some nasty pelvic symphysis pain throughout the latter weeks of the pregancy. I wanted our baby to be born at home in our space, with our atmosphere around him without all the unavoidable hospital interventions. Because it's not that you can go to the hospital here and they respect your wishes - no - you can waste your time arguing with them but in the end they are in control and are running the show.
Anyway....less grumbling about the failings of the public health system. I had found a great private midwife (and her small team) and even though they seemed to cater for a slightly - lets say - "hippy" clientele, I felt I could trust her and that everything would be ok. It did of course mean coming up with the necessary 1500 euros to pay for it all. So we decided to sell my old car. We didn't really need it anymore, and put the money to something we both considered really worthwhile. The midwife and her team went onto guard duty for me at 37 weeks and we started the count down. They brought the kit of emergency equipment to the house and made sure we had everything else they needed prepared.
Then the drama started. I started having very regular but painless contractions one afternoon which continued into the evening, so we called the midwife (Helena) and she decided to come with her doula (Pilar) that night. We were pretty concerned about the birth being so fast that they wouldn't get here on time. My partner and my best girl friend were a bit jittery about having to deliver the baby themselves in the rush. We started timing and walking and breathing.....went on for hours....everyone went to bed in the end and in the morning everything had stopped. Oh well - just a false alarm. Helena was so nice about it despite having had to sleep on the fold-out sofa bed which is not that comfortable. "I'd rather come and it be a false alarm, than not make it on time", she said. This was at 38 and a half weeks.
Four days later the contractions started again, this time significantly more noticeable but still not the pain I remembered from my previous 2 births. So we walked and breathed and they gave me some acupressure massages to help stimulate the contractions....and then nothing happened AGAIN ! The next morning before leaving to go home Helena gave me a VE and at least this seemed promising - my cervix was effaced and 1cm dilated and the baby was enganged although not very low. She thought it was likely that labour would start that evening again. But it didn't. And the days went by.....some odd contractions - maybe 4-5 every day, but nothing to say that labour was starting.
Wednesday all day they started to hurt a bit more seriously but now I wasn't going to be fooled - I'd given everyone enough sleepless nights already. Breathed through them...took it pretty easy all day, went for a nice walk in the countryside with Gabi my partner..... Then soon after getting to bed that night my waters suddenly broke. I'd been expecting this for weeks since baby was so incredibly active and almost violent in his kicking. So much water !......Call Helena again. She and Pilar came over in the middle of the night convinced that now it would all pick up. That's what we all thought - that's how it goes isn't it? You break waters and labour starts. That's what had happened in my previous births - once spontaneously and once artificially. Helena didn't want to check again if there was any more progress for fear of infections....but now surely it was just a matter of hours? The next morning - you guessed it - still not in labour.
Helena said in the hospital they will only wait a maximum of 24 hours before inducing labour once the membranes have broken. She knew that for many home birth midwives up to 72 hours was still ok but that I had to make the choice. It was my decision. This was pretty hard. She had left us a monitoring device - a doppler I think - and I had to take my temperature on the hour and listen to the baby just to check nothing was going wrong. He sounded really good all the time and there were no other signs of infection. But time was running out. All day Thursday and nothing, the night passed and still nothing. Helena called to know how long we were prepared to wait before going to the hospital. She was not in a position to induce me at home, unfortunately. We'd decided Saturday morning which still gave us until midnight Saturday to complete 72 hours.
Friday afternoon I was having some stronger contractions but only every hour or so. I was getting desperate.....it was not fair, after all we had done to be able to have our baby at home to have to end up in the hospital to be induced ! I started to breakdown....burst into tears and felt so defeated by it all. It seemed ironic that after half a pregnancy of panicking that the baby would be born premature in the end he would be forced to come out. I was 40 weeks now. But what was wrong? Why didn't I go into labour? After having a big cry about it all, Gabi and I went for a night time walk and came home to shower and go to bed and face the inevitable the next day. I was having more contractions but nothing really regular and with so many false alarms I didn't know how to interpret what I was feeling anymore but Gabi decided it was time to call Helena again. By this stage it was past midnight.....she wasn't really keen on coming out again unless we were really sure it was starting but quite frankly, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. The contractions started to be longer and more painful - lasting about 1.5 minutes each....just maybe, maybe things were starting to move. I lay down to wait for Helena to arrive and the contractions continued, getting more regular and stronger all the time. This was a good sign, at last.
An hour later Helena was here and she checked me this time to find I was 7cms dilated - so thank goodness, baby was coming ! The last 3cms were much more painful and harder to deal with than I had expected. I don't know if the drips they'd put on me in the hospital for my daughter's births had something to do with it or my age or what but this was getting excrutiating. One contraction would run into another with waves of pain in my pelvic bones.....I kept waiting for them to end like they had with my daughters....but this time was different.They didn't end. I went from severe transition contractions to pushing, something that hadn't happened to me with my other births. But I was so sore I couldn't move to get into a better position and lying on my side I was getting nowhere. I managed to find the words to let everyone know that I couldn't push like this and they immediately pulled me up into a sort of squat with Gabi supporting me from behind. This was better, but boy, did it hurt to feel the baby's head coming down.
I was feeling half conscious of what was going on. I knew I would feel the "ring of fire" like I never had before because they'd given me aneasthetics and an episiotomy in the hospital but this time I sure felt it. But somehow amid all my panting and sweating and feeling pretty delirious I managed to control the pushing so that I didn't tear and soon I could see his little (not so little ! ) head sticking out and then his shoulders and then he was screaming his little lungs out even before the rest of him was born. It was so incredible. We had so longed to see him finally and here he was, all red and slippery and very cross ! He wouldn't feed at first but did settle after a minute or 2 - then he covered me in meconium.
Helena clamped the cord and Gabi cut it so I could get into a better position to push the placenta out. On my hands and knees - as I would have liked to have given birth - I got the placenta out really easily despite it being pretty huge too. Then Baby was happy to feed at last and latched on beautifully and totally relaxed. It was so so so much better than the hospital - no bright lights, no noise (other than mine) no injections or drips or interference and just the 4 of us to welcome him into our world. My daughters had not wanted to witness the birth so we woke them just after - they hadn't even realised it was happening ! I'm sure I made a hell of a lot of noise but Gabi said I really only moaned through the contractions. Anyway - a warm shower, change of sheets and everything was cleaned up and we all cuddled into bed. Lyorel was born at 4.30 in the morning on the 22nd of April. I was a bit in shock from the pain still all that day but by the next I was so elated and so happy that we had done what we really felt was right. I'll do it again any day.
Lyorel's temper hasn't improved much I must say even though he's now almost a month old. His insides bother him a lot - makes a terrible fuss just to get a burp out but all this will go away, we know.....
I would recommend to anyone thinking about home birth to make the effort and do it....I was emotionally scarred from my experiences in hospital and they didn't help in my relationship with my daughters - especially the first. I was so detached, didn't even feel like that baby over there being examined by the nurse was anything to do with me. I now look back and feel so sad about it - so angry at having been manipulated and treated just like another body instead of like a whole person going through one of the most important moments of my life - giving birth to my first child.
I am Australian but have lived in Spain for the last 16 years. I had my 2 daughters here in hospital and the emotional trauma has stayed with me since. They are now 12 and 14 years old.
In August 2005 I found to my partner's and my delight that we were expecting a baby. It was not an easy pregnancy - I don't really know why - maybe the years are taking their toll (I'm now 36) or maybe I was just over stressed with work and so on but at 21 weeks I was having an awful lot of contractions and was put to bedrest. Basically I stayed that way until the end which was very draining on everybody in the family but at least proved worth it in the long-run.
I need to explain breifly how difficult it is to have a home birth here in Spain. It was not that I originally set out to do this but it turned out to be the best option. I quite simply did not want to end up in the hospital again, with the drip, the monitor tying me to the bed, the interference from all the medical staff, the hospital environment and worst of all the obstetric chair (lithotomy position). I tried to see if things had changed since my 2nd daughter was born, but the answers I kept getting were not at all encouraging. There is no state health service here for home births. I started to look around - there were a couple of private "alternative" type clinics that did water birthing etc. but both rather far away from where we live. My 2nd daughter had been born in 1.5hrs so we were concerned that my 3rd would be even faster. No time to travel 2-3 hours to a clinic during labour.
After much searching and discussion between my partner and I - he seemed to be coming round to the idea of having our baby at home if we could just find someone qualified to attend us - I came across an association for home births on the net and got in touch with the closest midwife, who was only 40 minutes away. By this stage I was 32 weeks pregnant - baby was doing ok.....everything had pretty much settled down and now we had a viable option at last for having him at home. I spent hours and hours on the net researching and reading all I could lay hands on - that's how I found your site - and getting to know all the possible complications and arguments for and against. I was not getting any encouragement from my gynaecologist or from the state midwife who was monitoring my pregnancy. Any little thing and they would say - "oh you shouldn't have a home birth if you have this (streptococo)...or that (breech presentation)..." or any little thing. It was really hard on my confidence level even though I was feeling more and more sure about it all. In the end I had none of the things that could possibly cause any complications - baby was LOT-LOA most of the time, no infections of any kind, only some nasty pelvic symphysis pain throughout the latter weeks of the pregancy. I wanted our baby to be born at home in our space, with our atmosphere around him without all the unavoidable hospital interventions. Because it's not that you can go to the hospital here and they respect your wishes - no - you can waste your time arguing with them but in the end they are in control and are running the show.
Anyway....less grumbling about the failings of the public health system. I had found a great private midwife (and her small team) and even though they seemed to cater for a slightly - lets say - "hippy" clientele, I felt I could trust her and that everything would be ok. It did of course mean coming up with the necessary 1500 euros to pay for it all. So we decided to sell my old car. We didn't really need it anymore, and put the money to something we both considered really worthwhile. The midwife and her team went onto guard duty for me at 37 weeks and we started the count down. They brought the kit of emergency equipment to the house and made sure we had everything else they needed prepared.
Then the drama started. I started having very regular but painless contractions one afternoon which continued into the evening, so we called the midwife (Helena) and she decided to come with her doula (Pilar) that night. We were pretty concerned about the birth being so fast that they wouldn't get here on time. My partner and my best girl friend were a bit jittery about having to deliver the baby themselves in the rush. We started timing and walking and breathing.....went on for hours....everyone went to bed in the end and in the morning everything had stopped. Oh well - just a false alarm. Helena was so nice about it despite having had to sleep on the fold-out sofa bed which is not that comfortable. "I'd rather come and it be a false alarm, than not make it on time", she said. This was at 38 and a half weeks.
Four days later the contractions started again, this time significantly more noticeable but still not the pain I remembered from my previous 2 births. So we walked and breathed and they gave me some acupressure massages to help stimulate the contractions....and then nothing happened AGAIN ! The next morning before leaving to go home Helena gave me a VE and at least this seemed promising - my cervix was effaced and 1cm dilated and the baby was enganged although not very low. She thought it was likely that labour would start that evening again. But it didn't. And the days went by.....some odd contractions - maybe 4-5 every day, but nothing to say that labour was starting.
Wednesday all day they started to hurt a bit more seriously but now I wasn't going to be fooled - I'd given everyone enough sleepless nights already. Breathed through them...took it pretty easy all day, went for a nice walk in the countryside with Gabi my partner..... Then soon after getting to bed that night my waters suddenly broke. I'd been expecting this for weeks since baby was so incredibly active and almost violent in his kicking. So much water !......Call Helena again. She and Pilar came over in the middle of the night convinced that now it would all pick up. That's what we all thought - that's how it goes isn't it? You break waters and labour starts. That's what had happened in my previous births - once spontaneously and once artificially. Helena didn't want to check again if there was any more progress for fear of infections....but now surely it was just a matter of hours? The next morning - you guessed it - still not in labour.
Helena said in the hospital they will only wait a maximum of 24 hours before inducing labour once the membranes have broken. She knew that for many home birth midwives up to 72 hours was still ok but that I had to make the choice. It was my decision. This was pretty hard. She had left us a monitoring device - a doppler I think - and I had to take my temperature on the hour and listen to the baby just to check nothing was going wrong. He sounded really good all the time and there were no other signs of infection. But time was running out. All day Thursday and nothing, the night passed and still nothing. Helena called to know how long we were prepared to wait before going to the hospital. She was not in a position to induce me at home, unfortunately. We'd decided Saturday morning which still gave us until midnight Saturday to complete 72 hours.
Friday afternoon I was having some stronger contractions but only every hour or so. I was getting desperate.....it was not fair, after all we had done to be able to have our baby at home to have to end up in the hospital to be induced ! I started to breakdown....burst into tears and felt so defeated by it all. It seemed ironic that after half a pregnancy of panicking that the baby would be born premature in the end he would be forced to come out. I was 40 weeks now. But what was wrong? Why didn't I go into labour? After having a big cry about it all, Gabi and I went for a night time walk and came home to shower and go to bed and face the inevitable the next day. I was having more contractions but nothing really regular and with so many false alarms I didn't know how to interpret what I was feeling anymore but Gabi decided it was time to call Helena again. By this stage it was past midnight.....she wasn't really keen on coming out again unless we were really sure it was starting but quite frankly, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. The contractions started to be longer and more painful - lasting about 1.5 minutes each....just maybe, maybe things were starting to move. I lay down to wait for Helena to arrive and the contractions continued, getting more regular and stronger all the time. This was a good sign, at last.
An hour later Helena was here and she checked me this time to find I was 7cms dilated - so thank goodness, baby was coming ! The last 3cms were much more painful and harder to deal with than I had expected. I don't know if the drips they'd put on me in the hospital for my daughter's births had something to do with it or my age or what but this was getting excrutiating. One contraction would run into another with waves of pain in my pelvic bones.....I kept waiting for them to end like they had with my daughters....but this time was different.They didn't end. I went from severe transition contractions to pushing, something that hadn't happened to me with my other births. But I was so sore I couldn't move to get into a better position and lying on my side I was getting nowhere. I managed to find the words to let everyone know that I couldn't push like this and they immediately pulled me up into a sort of squat with Gabi supporting me from behind. This was better, but boy, did it hurt to feel the baby's head coming down.
I was feeling half conscious of what was going on. I knew I would feel the "ring of fire" like I never had before because they'd given me aneasthetics and an episiotomy in the hospital but this time I sure felt it. But somehow amid all my panting and sweating and feeling pretty delirious I managed to control the pushing so that I didn't tear and soon I could see his little (not so little ! ) head sticking out and then his shoulders and then he was screaming his little lungs out even before the rest of him was born. It was so incredible. We had so longed to see him finally and here he was, all red and slippery and very cross ! He wouldn't feed at first but did settle after a minute or 2 - then he covered me in meconium.
Helena clamped the cord and Gabi cut it so I could get into a better position to push the placenta out. On my hands and knees - as I would have liked to have given birth - I got the placenta out really easily despite it being pretty huge too. Then Baby was happy to feed at last and latched on beautifully and totally relaxed. It was so so so much better than the hospital - no bright lights, no noise (other than mine) no injections or drips or interference and just the 4 of us to welcome him into our world. My daughters had not wanted to witness the birth so we woke them just after - they hadn't even realised it was happening ! I'm sure I made a hell of a lot of noise but Gabi said I really only moaned through the contractions. Anyway - a warm shower, change of sheets and everything was cleaned up and we all cuddled into bed. Lyorel was born at 4.30 in the morning on the 22nd of April. I was a bit in shock from the pain still all that day but by the next I was so elated and so happy that we had done what we really felt was right. I'll do it again any day.
Lyorel's temper hasn't improved much I must say even though he's now almost a month old. His insides bother him a lot - makes a terrible fuss just to get a burp out but all this will go away, we know.....
I would recommend to anyone thinking about home birth to make the effort and do it....I was emotionally scarred from my experiences in hospital and they didn't help in my relationship with my daughters - especially the first. I was so detached, didn't even feel like that baby over there being examined by the nurse was anything to do with me. I now look back and feel so sad about it - so angry at having been manipulated and treated just like another body instead of like a whole person going through one of the most important moments of my life - giving birth to my first child.
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