As an extension to the Mums in Spain site I have recently built a new site where mums can list as many items for sale as they want absolutely FREE. You can upload an image for the item you want to sell and as much information as you like. All you have to do is register on the site and add your entry which will be published immediately. Easy!! www.mummyloves.me
Do go to the site and have a look through what others are selling too. In today's age this is a great way to "recycle" and so much baby stuff looks like it has never been used or worn!
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Tuesday 9 February 2010
Tuesday 29 September 2009
The Spanish School Experience
What a roller coaster the last couple of weeks have been. I honestly thought after the first morning that I would never take my little one to the school gates again! If it left me traumatised, there was no telling the images that must have remained in his little mind. But perhaps children are fair more resiliant than I realised as after a couple of weeks I actually think he might have settled down.
The first day of school was so disorganised I was shocked. Children everywhere, unattended and crying, randomly making their way into the school building with little direction from anyone. Charlie's school in particular looks very uninviting...more like a prison block than an infant school, grey concrete and bars at the gate. As each parent literally pushed their child through the gate all we could do was stand and watch as our little cherished ones cried and pleaded to be let out again. It was so upsetting that I wasn't able to utter even one syllable to anyone until I was in the safety of my kitchen where I promptly burst into tears! Everything went through my mind - for a while thinking that I should delay my little boy's entry into "big school" for even a few more months until he was better prepared. He took a long time to get used to nursery and I feared the same for settling in at school, only this time he would have to do so in an environment where attention was shared between 19 other children and one teacher.
But I am happy to say that he surprised me, and that my fears at the beginning were perhaps those of a rather over-protective mother!! I am sure we will still get the bad days where he doesn't want to go, but after only 2 weeks he is already happy to stand in line with the other children and wait to be guided in by his teacher. Of course he needs constant reassurance from me stood at the gate that I am not going anywhere but I am so proud of him and how well he has adapted!
Well done Charlie!
Read more!
The first day of school was so disorganised I was shocked. Children everywhere, unattended and crying, randomly making their way into the school building with little direction from anyone. Charlie's school in particular looks very uninviting...more like a prison block than an infant school, grey concrete and bars at the gate. As each parent literally pushed their child through the gate all we could do was stand and watch as our little cherished ones cried and pleaded to be let out again. It was so upsetting that I wasn't able to utter even one syllable to anyone until I was in the safety of my kitchen where I promptly burst into tears! Everything went through my mind - for a while thinking that I should delay my little boy's entry into "big school" for even a few more months until he was better prepared. He took a long time to get used to nursery and I feared the same for settling in at school, only this time he would have to do so in an environment where attention was shared between 19 other children and one teacher.
But I am happy to say that he surprised me, and that my fears at the beginning were perhaps those of a rather over-protective mother!! I am sure we will still get the bad days where he doesn't want to go, but after only 2 weeks he is already happy to stand in line with the other children and wait to be guided in by his teacher. Of course he needs constant reassurance from me stood at the gate that I am not going anywhere but I am so proud of him and how well he has adapted!
Well done Charlie!
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Monday 17 August 2009
Starting Age for School in Spain
I appreciate that legally speaking you do not have to put your child in school until 6 years of age, but generally parents enroll their little ones for the school year that they turn 3. My little boy will be 3 in October, meaning that he will still only be 2 when he starts. As much as I know that this really is only "pre-school" it still makes me a little apprehensive that he is so young. Of course we do have a choice, but it is such a fine balancing act making these decisions for our children and you always wonder whether or not you are doing the right thing.
He has been going to nursery school for 6 months now and finally loves it. It was an up-hill struggle to get to that point! To his advantage a couple of his friends from nursery will be starting school at the same time as him so there will be a degree of continuity for him which he would miss out on if I delay him starting. The hours are 9-2pm, although for the first couple of weeks they do introduce them slowly starting with just 2 hours I think. Perhaps it is a case of trying him out and seeing how he adapts. Ultimately I can always pull him out if it really is the case that perhaps he isn't quite ready.
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He has been going to nursery school for 6 months now and finally loves it. It was an up-hill struggle to get to that point! To his advantage a couple of his friends from nursery will be starting school at the same time as him so there will be a degree of continuity for him which he would miss out on if I delay him starting. The hours are 9-2pm, although for the first couple of weeks they do introduce them slowly starting with just 2 hours I think. Perhaps it is a case of trying him out and seeing how he adapts. Ultimately I can always pull him out if it really is the case that perhaps he isn't quite ready.
Read more!
Sunday 16 August 2009
Pregnancy in Spain
Once the joy of the positive pregnancy test has settled down and the reality of the next 9 months has hit, you can find yourself desperately trawling every information source for details of what you can expect, helpful advice about hospital choices, other mums' birth experiences, etc. Don't be surprised when every other person seems to have a horror story to share! This would be the same regardless of where you lived, and of course having a baby abroad makes the story even more dramatic and compelling.
It is an unfortunate reality that complications can and do occur during labour and delivery, but these cases are in the minority, and it is important to hold onto a sense of perspective when you maybe do find yourself bombarded with accounts of "horrific" birth experiences. I am not sure why fellow mothers feel the need to fairly insensitively share these horrors with their unsuspecting peers who are simply looking for a little reassurance, but trust me they will! There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't expect an "average" birth experience, by that I mean avoiding complications or trauma. Birth is a painful process, there is no escaping that...it will hurt! But it is one day out of your life and it does end! Ignore all the chatter about pain thresholds because I don't think that has anything to do with it. Every single labour, just like every pregnancy, is unique. The woman who battles her way through a 42 hour labour should not be held any higher in regard than someone who had a "quick" 12 hour labour and delivery. The woman who turned to an epidural should not be considered less of a woman than the labouring mother who did it all with thin air alone!
I found from observing friends who had had children before me, who then sat and dissected every aspect of their respective births, they were almost competitive over how much they with-stood, how hard their labours were, etc, etc. I think it is really very important to talk about your birth experience afterwards, but when the opportunity does present itself there seems to be a need to "out-do" one another! As if we have something to prove, when surely we already have. The fact that we have a healthy baby in our arms is proof enough regardless of how it got there.
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It is an unfortunate reality that complications can and do occur during labour and delivery, but these cases are in the minority, and it is important to hold onto a sense of perspective when you maybe do find yourself bombarded with accounts of "horrific" birth experiences. I am not sure why fellow mothers feel the need to fairly insensitively share these horrors with their unsuspecting peers who are simply looking for a little reassurance, but trust me they will! There is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't expect an "average" birth experience, by that I mean avoiding complications or trauma. Birth is a painful process, there is no escaping that...it will hurt! But it is one day out of your life and it does end! Ignore all the chatter about pain thresholds because I don't think that has anything to do with it. Every single labour, just like every pregnancy, is unique. The woman who battles her way through a 42 hour labour should not be held any higher in regard than someone who had a "quick" 12 hour labour and delivery. The woman who turned to an epidural should not be considered less of a woman than the labouring mother who did it all with thin air alone!
I found from observing friends who had had children before me, who then sat and dissected every aspect of their respective births, they were almost competitive over how much they with-stood, how hard their labours were, etc, etc. I think it is really very important to talk about your birth experience afterwards, but when the opportunity does present itself there seems to be a need to "out-do" one another! As if we have something to prove, when surely we already have. The fact that we have a healthy baby in our arms is proof enough regardless of how it got there.
Read more!
Saturday 15 August 2009
Coping with a Miscarriage in Spain
One of our Mums in Spain members shares her experience following her recent miscarriage. Although a sensitive subject to approach it is an unfortunate reality for some, and we hope that this thoughtful contribution from Sam will help anyone else who might be going through a similar situation.
"A few weeks ago I sadly suffered a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. The miscarriage was what is known as a 'missed miscarriage' or silent miscarriage, in other words there was no sign of the miscarriage until my first scan at ten weeks and as the miscarriage was not going to happen naturally, I was advised to go to hospital for a D&C.
When we went for the scan we were told that the foetus had no heartbeat and although I was ten weeks into the pregnancy the size of the foetus was only 6 weeks meaning that this was when it had stopped developing. Of course nothing can prepare you for this sort of news and we were devastated and very sad. The doctor explained that 30% of pregnancies end this way and there is nothing you can do or did do to change the outcome, but of course you can’t help feeling guilty and a sense of loss. On top of dealing with the emotional side of the news we realised we would also have to deal with ending the pregnancy practically.
My gynaecologist told me that I needed to go to emergency at a hospital with a letter from her explaining what had happened and they would do the D&C that day, she told me to go as soon as possible and to not eat anything the night before. Because we have private medical insurance she advised me to go to the private hospital as I would probably be seen more quickly than at the busier public hospital. This all happened on a Friday morning.
That afternoon was a blur, we had to put the emotional side out of our heads and start to work out how we were going to get through the next few days and what to do with our two year old daughter. My gynaecologist had told me I could go to the hospital on Saturday and so we made arrangements to drop my daughter at my business partner’s house early the next day and to go to the hospital straight after.
On Saturday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything and still feeling drained and sad we dropped our daughter off and headed to the USP in Marbella. The emergency was quiet and we were seen straight away but I have to say the doctors were ‘rude’ to the point of ignorance and did nothing to ease our emotional state. They asked why we didn’t come the day before … to which we explained because I had eaten and because we had a toddler to look after, then they said that the gynaecologist was not available on a weekend and to come back on Monday. They didn’t seem to bothered about the fact that prolonging the pregnancy could lead to an infection or our emotional state. Having psyched myself up to get everything done that day, I was very tearful and unhappy when we left the hospital.
So we went home again and my parents flew in from the UK to look after our daughter which made everything easier and we all had a rather odd weekend and then on Monday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything again and we headed off to the USP. The weekday emergency doctors were slightly nicer than the weekend staff although sympathy is clearly not one of their strong points. They gave me an emergency appointment with the hospital gynaecologist and sent us off to the outpatient’s area to wait. Finally feeling like we were getting somewhere and it would all be over today we waited for an hour and then saw the doctor. The doctor was nice and did another scan just to confirm the miscarriage and then told me we’d have to wait until the next day to have the operation. Again I was in tears, when would this be over? He explained that we would need to return at 8am the next morning and that I needed to take some tablets that night to start the process of dilation and once again we headed home to wait.
At home that afternoon it occurred to me that I had never heard of taking tablets before a D&C and so of course I did the worse thing possible and googled the tablets!!! Googling confirmed my worst fears, they had given me the new ‘abortion pill’ and I was confronted with a number of horror stories about these tablets, their side effects and what may happen to me during the night if I took them! I have to say that this was not the best afternoon for me to be reading these kinds of stories and as you can imagine being in a rather fragile state emotionally anyway, I was beginning to get seriously stressed!! I was upset that I had not been given an option as to whether I wanted to take these tablets, nor had it been explained to me properly what I would be taking.
I realised that I did not have to take these tablets, that the procedure could be done anyway, but in my fragile emotional state and after several days of waiting I was worried that if I didn't take them the hospital might refuse to do the op. I tried phoning the hospital but the 'helpful' ( not ) receptionist wouldn't put me through to anyone and told me that in her 'medical opinion' I should take the tablets. My own gynaecologist was unavailable and so in desperation I decided to ring Dr Berral.
Dr Berral is a British trained Gynaecologist and Obstetrician who I had visited twice at his private clinic in Marbella. The first time for a 4D scan during my first pregnancy and the second time when I was having some gynaecological problems last year. Both times I found Dr Berral very helpful, professional and kind. I was still worried about calling though as with regards to the miscarriage I wasn't his patient and it was late at night by this stage.
When I called however, Dr Berral couldn't have been more patient, helpful or kind. He talked me through why the tablets were given to me and what would happen if I took them, he reassured me that if I didn't take them it shouldn’t make any difference and spent a good ten minutes or so calming me down and making me feel better about it all. Just after I spoke to him my own gynaecologist ( who I had left about 15 messages for ! ) rang back and also reassured me as to what would happen. Having spoken to both these doctors I felt much better. The theory was that taking these tablets would dilate my cervix and may cause some pain and bleeding in the night but would mean that the dilation part of the D&C would be avoided which is apparently safer for the patient as it makes the operation quicker and safer. The dose I was given was a lot lower than the ‘abortion’ dose and so my worse fear that I’d miscarry on my own during the night shouldn’t be realised. So in the end I did take the tablets before bed (but naughtily a lower dose than I was supposed too ) and as expected had some pain and bleeding in the night but nothing too major. ( Typically the hospital didn’t even mention the tablets the next day so I had a whole night of stress for nothing! )
So on Tuesday morning, five days after the first scan we got up at 6.30am, again I didn’t eat or drink and we made our way to the USP. We checked in at 8am along with a few other couples who looked like they were in the same situation as us and were told to wait in reception. At 10.30am we were still waiting and I was in considerable pain from the second tablet I’d been told to take in the morning. My husband was getting very cross with the staff as were the other husbands and nerves were getting very fraught. Finally at 11.30 I was taken to the ‘operating area’. I think it’s important to say that while the emergency, reception and admin staff at the USP ( on this occasion ) were not particularly helpful or kind, the nurses and doctors once you made it into the actual hospital were excellent. I was given hospital clothes to change into and then a bed and my husband was allowed to stay with me while we waited. The male nurse looking after us was friendly and informative. At around 12.30 I was finally taken to the theatre. I was given a local anaesthetic and remember dropping off at around 12.40 … at 1pm I woke up as they wheeled me out and it was all over.
I was taken to a ‘recovery room’ where another lovely nurse monitored me for a couple of hours, I was mainly dozing but remember her constantly asking if I was okay and taking my blood pressure and giving me painkillers. Having had a C section at the Galvez, I’d say the aftercare at the USP is a hundred times better. After a few hours I was taken back to the first room and the male nurse called my husband. I was feeling more awake by this stage and was able to sit up. After another hour or so and when the male nurse was sure I was okay he allowed me to get dressed and we went home.
We were home by around 4pm … finally it was over! I spent the rest of the day on the sofa watching TV. I’d been warned there would be some light bleeding and maybe some pain but I didn’t suffer any pain at all. Perhaps those tablets did have a purpose after all! I felt weak from the anaesthetic but that was all. On Wed I remained on the sofa, but was starting to feel a lot better. By Thursday I was up and about and by Friday life had returned to normal.
Obviously coping with a miscarriage is difficult and emotionally very fraught. I feel that if we had known we would never have been seen on the Saturday and that it was unlikely the hospital would have done the op on the same day as first going, the whole process might have been easier for us to deal with, but as with all things you live and learn. A few weeks on I feel a lot healthier, the ten weeks of this pregnancy were difficult, I felt ill for most of it and so maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Luckily I had wonderful family and friends around me who were supportive and caring. Having been through this experience I’d urge anyone in the same position as me to really question their doctor as to what exactly is going to happen and when and to gather as much support around you as possible."
Samantha Sintes
www.indybel.com
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"A few weeks ago I sadly suffered a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. The miscarriage was what is known as a 'missed miscarriage' or silent miscarriage, in other words there was no sign of the miscarriage until my first scan at ten weeks and as the miscarriage was not going to happen naturally, I was advised to go to hospital for a D&C.
When we went for the scan we were told that the foetus had no heartbeat and although I was ten weeks into the pregnancy the size of the foetus was only 6 weeks meaning that this was when it had stopped developing. Of course nothing can prepare you for this sort of news and we were devastated and very sad. The doctor explained that 30% of pregnancies end this way and there is nothing you can do or did do to change the outcome, but of course you can’t help feeling guilty and a sense of loss. On top of dealing with the emotional side of the news we realised we would also have to deal with ending the pregnancy practically.
My gynaecologist told me that I needed to go to emergency at a hospital with a letter from her explaining what had happened and they would do the D&C that day, she told me to go as soon as possible and to not eat anything the night before. Because we have private medical insurance she advised me to go to the private hospital as I would probably be seen more quickly than at the busier public hospital. This all happened on a Friday morning.
That afternoon was a blur, we had to put the emotional side out of our heads and start to work out how we were going to get through the next few days and what to do with our two year old daughter. My gynaecologist had told me I could go to the hospital on Saturday and so we made arrangements to drop my daughter at my business partner’s house early the next day and to go to the hospital straight after.
On Saturday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything and still feeling drained and sad we dropped our daughter off and headed to the USP in Marbella. The emergency was quiet and we were seen straight away but I have to say the doctors were ‘rude’ to the point of ignorance and did nothing to ease our emotional state. They asked why we didn’t come the day before … to which we explained because I had eaten and because we had a toddler to look after, then they said that the gynaecologist was not available on a weekend and to come back on Monday. They didn’t seem to bothered about the fact that prolonging the pregnancy could lead to an infection or our emotional state. Having psyched myself up to get everything done that day, I was very tearful and unhappy when we left the hospital.
So we went home again and my parents flew in from the UK to look after our daughter which made everything easier and we all had a rather odd weekend and then on Monday morning I didn’t eat or drink anything again and we headed off to the USP. The weekday emergency doctors were slightly nicer than the weekend staff although sympathy is clearly not one of their strong points. They gave me an emergency appointment with the hospital gynaecologist and sent us off to the outpatient’s area to wait. Finally feeling like we were getting somewhere and it would all be over today we waited for an hour and then saw the doctor. The doctor was nice and did another scan just to confirm the miscarriage and then told me we’d have to wait until the next day to have the operation. Again I was in tears, when would this be over? He explained that we would need to return at 8am the next morning and that I needed to take some tablets that night to start the process of dilation and once again we headed home to wait.
At home that afternoon it occurred to me that I had never heard of taking tablets before a D&C and so of course I did the worse thing possible and googled the tablets!!! Googling confirmed my worst fears, they had given me the new ‘abortion pill’ and I was confronted with a number of horror stories about these tablets, their side effects and what may happen to me during the night if I took them! I have to say that this was not the best afternoon for me to be reading these kinds of stories and as you can imagine being in a rather fragile state emotionally anyway, I was beginning to get seriously stressed!! I was upset that I had not been given an option as to whether I wanted to take these tablets, nor had it been explained to me properly what I would be taking.
I realised that I did not have to take these tablets, that the procedure could be done anyway, but in my fragile emotional state and after several days of waiting I was worried that if I didn't take them the hospital might refuse to do the op. I tried phoning the hospital but the 'helpful' ( not ) receptionist wouldn't put me through to anyone and told me that in her 'medical opinion' I should take the tablets. My own gynaecologist was unavailable and so in desperation I decided to ring Dr Berral.
Dr Berral is a British trained Gynaecologist and Obstetrician who I had visited twice at his private clinic in Marbella. The first time for a 4D scan during my first pregnancy and the second time when I was having some gynaecological problems last year. Both times I found Dr Berral very helpful, professional and kind. I was still worried about calling though as with regards to the miscarriage I wasn't his patient and it was late at night by this stage.
When I called however, Dr Berral couldn't have been more patient, helpful or kind. He talked me through why the tablets were given to me and what would happen if I took them, he reassured me that if I didn't take them it shouldn’t make any difference and spent a good ten minutes or so calming me down and making me feel better about it all. Just after I spoke to him my own gynaecologist ( who I had left about 15 messages for ! ) rang back and also reassured me as to what would happen. Having spoken to both these doctors I felt much better. The theory was that taking these tablets would dilate my cervix and may cause some pain and bleeding in the night but would mean that the dilation part of the D&C would be avoided which is apparently safer for the patient as it makes the operation quicker and safer. The dose I was given was a lot lower than the ‘abortion’ dose and so my worse fear that I’d miscarry on my own during the night shouldn’t be realised. So in the end I did take the tablets before bed (but naughtily a lower dose than I was supposed too ) and as expected had some pain and bleeding in the night but nothing too major. ( Typically the hospital didn’t even mention the tablets the next day so I had a whole night of stress for nothing! )
So on Tuesday morning, five days after the first scan we got up at 6.30am, again I didn’t eat or drink and we made our way to the USP. We checked in at 8am along with a few other couples who looked like they were in the same situation as us and were told to wait in reception. At 10.30am we were still waiting and I was in considerable pain from the second tablet I’d been told to take in the morning. My husband was getting very cross with the staff as were the other husbands and nerves were getting very fraught. Finally at 11.30 I was taken to the ‘operating area’. I think it’s important to say that while the emergency, reception and admin staff at the USP ( on this occasion ) were not particularly helpful or kind, the nurses and doctors once you made it into the actual hospital were excellent. I was given hospital clothes to change into and then a bed and my husband was allowed to stay with me while we waited. The male nurse looking after us was friendly and informative. At around 12.30 I was finally taken to the theatre. I was given a local anaesthetic and remember dropping off at around 12.40 … at 1pm I woke up as they wheeled me out and it was all over.
I was taken to a ‘recovery room’ where another lovely nurse monitored me for a couple of hours, I was mainly dozing but remember her constantly asking if I was okay and taking my blood pressure and giving me painkillers. Having had a C section at the Galvez, I’d say the aftercare at the USP is a hundred times better. After a few hours I was taken back to the first room and the male nurse called my husband. I was feeling more awake by this stage and was able to sit up. After another hour or so and when the male nurse was sure I was okay he allowed me to get dressed and we went home.
We were home by around 4pm … finally it was over! I spent the rest of the day on the sofa watching TV. I’d been warned there would be some light bleeding and maybe some pain but I didn’t suffer any pain at all. Perhaps those tablets did have a purpose after all! I felt weak from the anaesthetic but that was all. On Wed I remained on the sofa, but was starting to feel a lot better. By Thursday I was up and about and by Friday life had returned to normal.
Obviously coping with a miscarriage is difficult and emotionally very fraught. I feel that if we had known we would never have been seen on the Saturday and that it was unlikely the hospital would have done the op on the same day as first going, the whole process might have been easier for us to deal with, but as with all things you live and learn. A few weeks on I feel a lot healthier, the ten weeks of this pregnancy were difficult, I felt ill for most of it and so maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Luckily I had wonderful family and friends around me who were supportive and caring. Having been through this experience I’d urge anyone in the same position as me to really question their doctor as to what exactly is going to happen and when and to gather as much support around you as possible."
Samantha Sintes
www.indybel.com
Read more!
Friday 14 August 2009
Giving birth in Spain
I always say the same thing when people ask me about giving birth in Spain - "different doesn't necessarily mean worse". Undoubtedly giving birth in Spain is for the most part a different experience to giving birth in the United Kingdom. For a start gas and air isn't used in Spain, but then nor is it in the vast majority of other European countries. Infact I think recall that it is considered old fashioned by many! It can also be said that Spain has had historically a more clinical approach to pregnancy and delivery than most, with the pregnant woman practically being treated as if she were "ill" as opposed to expecting a child. But as with everything, times change. What one woman may have experienced last year may not be relevant to a mum's pending experience this year. Admittedly the progression being made varies greatly depending on the part of the country you look at. There are certainly still many hospitals which are still heavily rooted in the ways of old, but equally there are many that are really making a conscious effort to provide more to the expectant mother. Up until the 1970s all births took place in the home and with a midwife present. It seems strange to me that things went so dramatically the other way when midwives were pretty much taken out of the equation completely, and pregnancy and delivery became entirely led by an obstetrician. I know that when I was pregnant in 2006, despite going to a private hospital, I wasn't given an opportunity to meet any midwife. When I asked for an appointment to see her I was told that wasn't possible and I would not meet any midwife until I was in labour! When I asked for a tour of the delivery suite they looked at me like I was mad, but they did organise it for me. Looking back I shouldn't have asked for it cos it truly scared me! It all looked so clinical and uninviting.....but of course the next time you go there it doesn't look half as bad as contractions are keeping you occupied enough that you don't even notice the clinical "feel" of the place!
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Hypnobirthing in Spain
HypnoBirthing® is a complete birth education programme, that teaches simple but specific self hypnosis, relaxation and breathing techniques for a better birth. Mums in Spain brings you two stories from Hypnobirth Educators based in Spain. This technique could hold the answer to a calm and enjoyable birth experience.
HypnoBirthing® is said to be much more than just self hypnosis or hypnotherapy for childbirth, its advocates claiming that those who choose to pursue this “technique” will discover that severe pain does not have to be an accompaniment of labour, with birthing mothers learning how to release the fears and anxieties that they may have about giving birth and how to overcome previous traumatic births. Primarily it is about learning how to put yourself back in control of your birth - rather than blindly turning your birthing experience over to your doctor or midwife.
We all have a stereotypical view of hypnotherapy, perhaps from what we have seen on TV in recent years where sometimes unsuspecting “patients” don’t appear to know what they are doing or why. HypnoBirthing® however doesn't mean you'll be in a trance or a sleep. Rather, you'll be able to chat, and be and in good spirits - totally relaxed, but fully in control. You'll always be aware of what is happening to you, and around you.
Mums in Spain brings you two stories from mothers, both living in Spain, who not only turned to HypnoBirthing® for their own births, but were so impressed by its benefits they decided to become fully qualified HypnoBirthing® educators themselves. Please read Zoe and Juliette’s stories below. For those who might be interested in exploring this concept further, full contact details can be found at the bottom of the article for both Zoe and Juliette.
Zoe Prendergast - Barcelona
“Hello, my name is Zoe, I am mum to Osip who is now four, and we live in Barcelona. I really want to share my birthing story with all of you. I became pregnant whilst living in Spain. I wanted to have a natural birth, but as my pregnancy progressed I became aware that birthing in Spain is a very medicalised event. I heard alot of stories from other mothers who had experienced a great deal of intervention in hospital, from inductions to cesarians, when all they really wanted was to be left alone to birth in peace. There seems to be little understanding or tolerance of women who choose to birth their babies naturally amoungst medical caregivers in this country.
I finally decided that, to have the natural birth I wanted, the only realistic option was to find a private midwife and plan for a home birth, which I did. However, although this made me feel well prepared in a practical way, I did not feel at all prepared or supported emotionally. I reached the fifth month of my pregnancy with the realisation that I was actually carrying a great deal of fear about giving birth, not only fear about pain, but also the huge worry of ending up in hospital and getting into the downward spiral of one intervention leading to another.
On my last trip home to the U.K. at about 28 weeks pregnant I was flicking through a natural health magazineand I saw an ad for Hypnobirthing. As I had successfully become a non smoker using Hypnotherapy before I became pregnant, this ad caught my eye.So I gave them a call.
The course was amazing. I learned all kinds of simple self hypnosis and deep relaxation and breathing techniques that were especially tailored to birth preparation. I was relieved to find that alot of the course focussed on fear release using visualisation, really getting to the heart of my fears and helping me to find practical solutions to face any turn that my birthing might take. I came to understand that pain and discomfort came out of fear and anxiety, and without fear, pain could be eliminated.. We also looked at how to diplomatically deal with medical caregivers, how to write a good birth plan, and the birth itself was gone through in every detail. I left the course feeling very well prepared and relaxed.
In the last two months of my pregnancy I practised Hypnobirthing every day for about 30 minutes.This involved listening to C.D's and relaxing.
Osip's birth began one sunny morning in June with the show. I called my midwife and she told me just to get on with a normal life as I could be up to a week away from birthing.. I pottered around on the terrace planting marigolds! About 6 pm I realised that my contractions, or expansions as the are called in Hypnobirthing parlance, were coming every 10 minutes, although I was not experiencing any discomfort, only tightening sensations. I listened to my Hypnobirthing CD's and put myself into a state of deep relaxation. At 9pm my waters broke, I called my midwife who said she was on her way. I was still only experiencing tightening sensations, no pain at all. Expansions were now every two or three minutes. I went to the toilet, and there was Osip's head!!! My partner immediately calledan ambulance, and Osip was delivered by the lovely, kind ambulance lady about 5 minutes after she arrived. No pain, no pushing, no tearing. A wonderful ,calm, joyous home birth!
Osip was a very calm baby. Alot of Mums who have had babies using Hypnobirthing say their babies are calm and serene, no colic, no breastfeeding problems, good sleepers. it is obvoius that a good, calm, happy birth means calm, happy mothers and babies.
I was so impressed by Hypnobirthing that I decided to train as a Hypnobirthing educator. I am now running classes in Barcelona! Please do get in touch if you would like to know more about Hypnobirthing.”
Juliette Brooks - Costa del Sol
“Hello my name is Juliette and I have been based in Estepona, Spain for the last 9 years with my husband.
In 2005 I fell pregnant with our first child. I initially had all my care privately in Spain but soon realised my options for birth were quite limited. I was shocked and scared to find out that my only option regarding pain relief was an epidural. I really am not keen on needles and also knew the increased risks of intervention were much higher with the use of an epidural. I really wanted to try for a natural birth. At 24 weeks gestation we decided to birth at St Bernards Hospital in Gibraltar. Four days prior to my due date my contractions started at 7 minutes apart, we made our way down to Gibraltar and checked into the hospital at about 5pm, at about 10.30pm my waters broke and then things really picked up! It was at this point that I was asked if I wanted any pain relief. I had some pethadine and used entinox (gas and air) for the next few hours. My contractions were almost on top of each other for the last 3 hours!! Our daughter was born just before 3am. With a first labour that only lasted about 12 hours - I thought this was a great birth until I experienced my second.
We had to spend a short period of time in the UK in 2007. I was pregnant for the second time and wanted to do a refresher ante natal course. I contacted the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) in my area but all the classes were full!!! I was advised to look around for something else on the internet. You have no idea I lucky I feel today – if they had not been fully booked I would have never had the amazing birth that I did with HypnoBirthing.
I contacted a HypnoBirthing practitioner near to where I was living and she invited me along to one of her coffee mornings to meet other mums who had HypnoBirthed. I went along and had an amazing morning. I met 3 separate women all with different birthing stories but all who thoroughly enjoyed their births. They all birthed naturally and with little pain. There was another woman there who had had “special circumstances” ..... Or complications as most people know it. She also said that she would not have made it through without the HypnoBirthing – it enabled her to stay calm and make the right decisions without panicing. She also said she felt she had an amazing birth thanks to the HypnoBirthing.
I went home and that night I told my husband that I had decided to do HypnoBirthing. Needless to say he thought I was a complete fruit cake!!! But he said he would support my decision and attend the classes with me but not to expect too much from him.
On our first class – he was the one asking the questions and really got into it. By the 3rd session he turned to me and asked me why we had not thought about a home birth!!
I had to listen to the Rainbow Relaxation CD daily and began to read the book. There were all sorts of things to practise with each week but they were easy to do and did not take long. I used to listen to the CD when I went to bed at night – I do not think I ever got to the end of it without falling asleep!
My entire feelings changed towards birth. Although my first birth was incredibly painful, I knew that this birth would be completely different. After the course I had no doubt in my mind that I would be able to birth easily and comfortably.... and that is exactly how it happened.
My surges (contractions) started at about 5.30pm, I was comfortable and just getting on with things until about 8.30pm. My sister in law came to pick up our daughter just before 8pm and at around 8.30 I put on my Rainbow Relaxation cd and lay down on the sofa. The surge breathing (taught in the class) was amazing and I was comfortable all the time. The midwife arrived about 9ish, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the baby’s heartbeat. I had no internal checks at all. At about 9.15pm I asked if I could get into the birth pool, I knew if I didn’t get it then I may not be able to after as my legs were beginning to ache a bit. The feeling of the water was amazing.... it really helped me to relax even more. I now had to really focus on the CD that was playing and the breathing techniques. The visualisation techniques taught were a real help as well. I was still comfortable at this time although my legs were really aching now. I had 2-3 more surges and I thought to myself if this feeling in my legs gets any stronger I may have to have some entinox. Moments later I called out “she’s here”. I felt her move down. At 9.55pm the midwives added more hot water to the pool and I gently breathed her down- there was no forced pushing. At 10.03pm her head was out and she was born at 10.06pm.
Just over 4.5hrs of labour, with no pain relief. It was the most amazing experience of my life. No one ever wants to talk about good birth stories – all you ever here about is the bad and gruesome ones. I loved every moment of my labour and birth and 3 weeks after I decided to train as a HypnoBirthing practitioner so I could teach and share this knowledge with other women and birth companions here in Spain.
The HypnoBirthing course is a complete education programme for mothers and birth companions who want a calmer, gentler and easier birthing experience. It is nothing weird and certainly nothing new. HypnoBirthing has now been running for 20 years. Most people are sceptical at first and think they will feel out of control, when in actual fact hypnosis heightens your senses. It enables you to become deeply relaxed thus helping you to work with your body and your baby and not fight against something that is so natural.
It is suitable for all types of birth as well.... not just natural birth. Great for VBAC’s and Caesarean. What it achieves is a calmer birthing experience for you, your birth companion and your baby whatever the circumstances. 75% of natural births are with No Pain Relief.”
Zoe Prendergast
http://acupunctureforpregnancyandchildbirth.blogspot.com
Email: zoeprendergast@gmail.com This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 654 986 735 Tel: +34 93 319 7414
Juliette Brooks
Love Your Birth http://www.loveyourbirth.org
julie@loveyourbirth.org This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 630 131 349
Further Reading and Recommended Links:
HypnoBirthing® The Mongan Method – http://www.hypnobirthing.co.uk
Read more!
HypnoBirthing® is said to be much more than just self hypnosis or hypnotherapy for childbirth, its advocates claiming that those who choose to pursue this “technique” will discover that severe pain does not have to be an accompaniment of labour, with birthing mothers learning how to release the fears and anxieties that they may have about giving birth and how to overcome previous traumatic births. Primarily it is about learning how to put yourself back in control of your birth - rather than blindly turning your birthing experience over to your doctor or midwife.
We all have a stereotypical view of hypnotherapy, perhaps from what we have seen on TV in recent years where sometimes unsuspecting “patients” don’t appear to know what they are doing or why. HypnoBirthing® however doesn't mean you'll be in a trance or a sleep. Rather, you'll be able to chat, and be and in good spirits - totally relaxed, but fully in control. You'll always be aware of what is happening to you, and around you.
Mums in Spain brings you two stories from mothers, both living in Spain, who not only turned to HypnoBirthing® for their own births, but were so impressed by its benefits they decided to become fully qualified HypnoBirthing® educators themselves. Please read Zoe and Juliette’s stories below. For those who might be interested in exploring this concept further, full contact details can be found at the bottom of the article for both Zoe and Juliette.
Zoe Prendergast - Barcelona
“Hello, my name is Zoe, I am mum to Osip who is now four, and we live in Barcelona. I really want to share my birthing story with all of you. I became pregnant whilst living in Spain. I wanted to have a natural birth, but as my pregnancy progressed I became aware that birthing in Spain is a very medicalised event. I heard alot of stories from other mothers who had experienced a great deal of intervention in hospital, from inductions to cesarians, when all they really wanted was to be left alone to birth in peace. There seems to be little understanding or tolerance of women who choose to birth their babies naturally amoungst medical caregivers in this country.
I finally decided that, to have the natural birth I wanted, the only realistic option was to find a private midwife and plan for a home birth, which I did. However, although this made me feel well prepared in a practical way, I did not feel at all prepared or supported emotionally. I reached the fifth month of my pregnancy with the realisation that I was actually carrying a great deal of fear about giving birth, not only fear about pain, but also the huge worry of ending up in hospital and getting into the downward spiral of one intervention leading to another.
On my last trip home to the U.K. at about 28 weeks pregnant I was flicking through a natural health magazineand I saw an ad for Hypnobirthing. As I had successfully become a non smoker using Hypnotherapy before I became pregnant, this ad caught my eye.So I gave them a call.
The course was amazing. I learned all kinds of simple self hypnosis and deep relaxation and breathing techniques that were especially tailored to birth preparation. I was relieved to find that alot of the course focussed on fear release using visualisation, really getting to the heart of my fears and helping me to find practical solutions to face any turn that my birthing might take. I came to understand that pain and discomfort came out of fear and anxiety, and without fear, pain could be eliminated.. We also looked at how to diplomatically deal with medical caregivers, how to write a good birth plan, and the birth itself was gone through in every detail. I left the course feeling very well prepared and relaxed.
In the last two months of my pregnancy I practised Hypnobirthing every day for about 30 minutes.This involved listening to C.D's and relaxing.
Osip's birth began one sunny morning in June with the show. I called my midwife and she told me just to get on with a normal life as I could be up to a week away from birthing.. I pottered around on the terrace planting marigolds! About 6 pm I realised that my contractions, or expansions as the are called in Hypnobirthing parlance, were coming every 10 minutes, although I was not experiencing any discomfort, only tightening sensations. I listened to my Hypnobirthing CD's and put myself into a state of deep relaxation. At 9pm my waters broke, I called my midwife who said she was on her way. I was still only experiencing tightening sensations, no pain at all. Expansions were now every two or three minutes. I went to the toilet, and there was Osip's head!!! My partner immediately calledan ambulance, and Osip was delivered by the lovely, kind ambulance lady about 5 minutes after she arrived. No pain, no pushing, no tearing. A wonderful ,calm, joyous home birth!
Osip was a very calm baby. Alot of Mums who have had babies using Hypnobirthing say their babies are calm and serene, no colic, no breastfeeding problems, good sleepers. it is obvoius that a good, calm, happy birth means calm, happy mothers and babies.
I was so impressed by Hypnobirthing that I decided to train as a Hypnobirthing educator. I am now running classes in Barcelona! Please do get in touch if you would like to know more about Hypnobirthing.”
Juliette Brooks - Costa del Sol
“Hello my name is Juliette and I have been based in Estepona, Spain for the last 9 years with my husband.
In 2005 I fell pregnant with our first child. I initially had all my care privately in Spain but soon realised my options for birth were quite limited. I was shocked and scared to find out that my only option regarding pain relief was an epidural. I really am not keen on needles and also knew the increased risks of intervention were much higher with the use of an epidural. I really wanted to try for a natural birth. At 24 weeks gestation we decided to birth at St Bernards Hospital in Gibraltar. Four days prior to my due date my contractions started at 7 minutes apart, we made our way down to Gibraltar and checked into the hospital at about 5pm, at about 10.30pm my waters broke and then things really picked up! It was at this point that I was asked if I wanted any pain relief. I had some pethadine and used entinox (gas and air) for the next few hours. My contractions were almost on top of each other for the last 3 hours!! Our daughter was born just before 3am. With a first labour that only lasted about 12 hours - I thought this was a great birth until I experienced my second.
We had to spend a short period of time in the UK in 2007. I was pregnant for the second time and wanted to do a refresher ante natal course. I contacted the NCT (National Childbirth Trust) in my area but all the classes were full!!! I was advised to look around for something else on the internet. You have no idea I lucky I feel today – if they had not been fully booked I would have never had the amazing birth that I did with HypnoBirthing.
I contacted a HypnoBirthing practitioner near to where I was living and she invited me along to one of her coffee mornings to meet other mums who had HypnoBirthed. I went along and had an amazing morning. I met 3 separate women all with different birthing stories but all who thoroughly enjoyed their births. They all birthed naturally and with little pain. There was another woman there who had had “special circumstances” ..... Or complications as most people know it. She also said that she would not have made it through without the HypnoBirthing – it enabled her to stay calm and make the right decisions without panicing. She also said she felt she had an amazing birth thanks to the HypnoBirthing.
I went home and that night I told my husband that I had decided to do HypnoBirthing. Needless to say he thought I was a complete fruit cake!!! But he said he would support my decision and attend the classes with me but not to expect too much from him.
On our first class – he was the one asking the questions and really got into it. By the 3rd session he turned to me and asked me why we had not thought about a home birth!!
I had to listen to the Rainbow Relaxation CD daily and began to read the book. There were all sorts of things to practise with each week but they were easy to do and did not take long. I used to listen to the CD when I went to bed at night – I do not think I ever got to the end of it without falling asleep!
My entire feelings changed towards birth. Although my first birth was incredibly painful, I knew that this birth would be completely different. After the course I had no doubt in my mind that I would be able to birth easily and comfortably.... and that is exactly how it happened.
My surges (contractions) started at about 5.30pm, I was comfortable and just getting on with things until about 8.30pm. My sister in law came to pick up our daughter just before 8pm and at around 8.30 I put on my Rainbow Relaxation cd and lay down on the sofa. The surge breathing (taught in the class) was amazing and I was comfortable all the time. The midwife arrived about 9ish, she checked my blood pressure and listened to the baby’s heartbeat. I had no internal checks at all. At about 9.15pm I asked if I could get into the birth pool, I knew if I didn’t get it then I may not be able to after as my legs were beginning to ache a bit. The feeling of the water was amazing.... it really helped me to relax even more. I now had to really focus on the CD that was playing and the breathing techniques. The visualisation techniques taught were a real help as well. I was still comfortable at this time although my legs were really aching now. I had 2-3 more surges and I thought to myself if this feeling in my legs gets any stronger I may have to have some entinox. Moments later I called out “she’s here”. I felt her move down. At 9.55pm the midwives added more hot water to the pool and I gently breathed her down- there was no forced pushing. At 10.03pm her head was out and she was born at 10.06pm.
Just over 4.5hrs of labour, with no pain relief. It was the most amazing experience of my life. No one ever wants to talk about good birth stories – all you ever here about is the bad and gruesome ones. I loved every moment of my labour and birth and 3 weeks after I decided to train as a HypnoBirthing practitioner so I could teach and share this knowledge with other women and birth companions here in Spain.
The HypnoBirthing course is a complete education programme for mothers and birth companions who want a calmer, gentler and easier birthing experience. It is nothing weird and certainly nothing new. HypnoBirthing has now been running for 20 years. Most people are sceptical at first and think they will feel out of control, when in actual fact hypnosis heightens your senses. It enables you to become deeply relaxed thus helping you to work with your body and your baby and not fight against something that is so natural.
It is suitable for all types of birth as well.... not just natural birth. Great for VBAC’s and Caesarean. What it achieves is a calmer birthing experience for you, your birth companion and your baby whatever the circumstances. 75% of natural births are with No Pain Relief.”
Zoe Prendergast
http://acupunctureforpregnancyandchildbirth.blogspot.com
Email: zoeprendergast@gmail.com This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 654 986 735 Tel: +34 93 319 7414
Juliette Brooks
Love Your Birth http://www.loveyourbirth.org
julie@loveyourbirth.org This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it Mobile: +34 630 131 349
Further Reading and Recommended Links:
HypnoBirthing® The Mongan Method – http://www.hypnobirthing.co.uk
Read more!
Thursday 13 August 2009
Family Law in Spain
In this article Eirene Trujillo, Spanish Abogado & Sandra Wrightson, an English Overseas Barrister with DeCotta McKenna & Santafé, guide us through the complexities of a parent's legal responsibilites as well as the right's of children here in Spain in the unfortunate event that their parents separate or divorce and the impact of both parties.
Many younger people are moving to Spain to start a new life and enjoy the family-friendly lifestyle offered here, and many are starting families or relocating their families here. Inevitably some of these relationships will change and result in the parents living separate lives. It is at this moment that it is so important for the children and the parents that legal assistance is sought as soon as possible so as to navigate a solution to often complex issues.
Spanish family law recognises equal rights of children whether the parents are married or not. There are a number of established legal procedures and precedents that relate to parental responsibility and rights when a relationship breaks down, encompassing the range of issues such as custody, visiting rights and maintenance.
In Spain parents must be represented by a lawyer and Procurator as well as the “Ministerio Fiscal”, the official solicitor that defends the rights of children in Spain.
Since there are a number of obligations and responsibilities that parents must fulfill towards their children in Spain, it is important that both parents are legally identified. A paternity test can be requested, but in court it is expected that there is sufficient evidence to prove who the parent is to justify the request. To help show that the test is warranted it is expected that evidence such as family photographs, letters, cards and witness statements are presented.
Parental Responsibility
The obligations of parents towards their children to provide everything necessary for care and well being are balanced with their rights. Both parents in Spain have equal rights with regards to making decisions that affect the well being and up bringing of the children, pertaining to issues such as education, religion, health etc. So if the parents are living apart and one parent has custody over the child, both parents still have equal rights over key decisions in the up bringing of the child and the court will defend the rights and responsibilities of both parents, irrespective of where the child is living.
In additional during legal proceedings or in complex cases, such as domestic violence, where one parent cannot see the other, both parents still retain the right to have access to and share in the life of the child. So even in cases where the parents cannot have contact, visiting with the child can still be arranged in a controlled, safe environment such as “Punto de Encuentro Familiar” or Family Contact Centre.
Custody & Access
In Spain, with regards to legal decisions over child custody & access, the court takes into account the views of children who are mature enough to express their views, this can vary but is generally children over 12 years. This progressive approach helps to balance the rights and wishes of the parents with those of the child. Typically though we find that parents already base their custody requests on the wishes of the children, but in contested cases, it should be noted the rights of a mature child will be considered.
In cases when parents have reached an amicable solution to custody, without the need to legal challenges, the court will still want to see that there is a default legal agreement in place in case that the amicable agreement breaks down. In Spain the typical default agreement is weekends with alternate parents, 4 weeks over the summer and alternate Christmas and Easter festivals.
Maintenance & Child Support
In all cases in Spain both parents are obliged to provide their children with support,. If English law is applied this includes children who have been treated as part of the family even if one of the parents is not the biological parent. Spanish law does not recognise the obligation to pay maintenance to non-biological children and this can be important in “second” families. Maintenance encompasses the core elements of a child’s well being such as education, healthcare, clothing and housing.
It is worth noting that in Spain, maintenance is an equal responsibility in the eyes of the court and is not automatically awarded in the mother’s favour. In addition it will be proportional to the parent’s financial capacity and the relevant needs of the child. Should these elements change, then it would potentially be possible to seek a modification of the maintenance.
Another important issue is that Family Law in these matters applies in Spain when the child is “habitually resident” in Spain. Therefore it applies to children here in Spain even if they were born in another country, such as the UK or Ireland. So, even if the parents are not domiciled in Spain, but the child has been resident here for a number of months and has started kindergarten or school and formed friendships and relations here, then Family law disputes must be settled in Spain. If parents return to the UK for example, typically now the UK courts will refer the case back to Spain where the child has been habitually resident.
Once child support and maintenance has been requested legally and later awarded, it cannot be back dated to before the date of the legal request. So it is best to seek legal advice as soon as possible in the case of a relationship breakdown.
In general terms, Family Law in Spain is fair, balanced and progressive. However there can be delays in getting a court date. Parents cannot choose the jurisdiction in which to go to court – they must go to their local court and of course some courts are busier than others.
When thinking about families and children, it is also a little sad to consider relationship breakdown, but this is a fact of life and if parents can work together in a fair compassionate way with good legal representation, then not only are the rights of children respected and protected but the parents too can be confident of a fair solution, respecting and balancing their obligations and rights.
If you would like to book a confidential consultation and discuss Family Law, please contact Sandra Wrightson, De Cotta, McKenna & Santafé – the firm has offices in Mijas-Costa, Coín, Nerja, Granada & Tenerife, with associates in the UK and across Europe.
Sandra Wrightson is an English Barrister Overseas, at De Cotta McKenna y Santafé, your local law firm offering support with all aspects of Spanish Law for English speaking clients.The head office is at:
Centro Comercial Valdepinos 1 y 3ª
Urb. Calypso
29649 Mijas Costa (Málaga)
Tel.: +34 952 931 781
Fax: +34 952 933 547
Email sandrawrightson@decottalaw.net
website: www.decottalaw.com
Read more!
Many younger people are moving to Spain to start a new life and enjoy the family-friendly lifestyle offered here, and many are starting families or relocating their families here. Inevitably some of these relationships will change and result in the parents living separate lives. It is at this moment that it is so important for the children and the parents that legal assistance is sought as soon as possible so as to navigate a solution to often complex issues.
Spanish family law recognises equal rights of children whether the parents are married or not. There are a number of established legal procedures and precedents that relate to parental responsibility and rights when a relationship breaks down, encompassing the range of issues such as custody, visiting rights and maintenance.
In Spain parents must be represented by a lawyer and Procurator as well as the “Ministerio Fiscal”, the official solicitor that defends the rights of children in Spain.
Since there are a number of obligations and responsibilities that parents must fulfill towards their children in Spain, it is important that both parents are legally identified. A paternity test can be requested, but in court it is expected that there is sufficient evidence to prove who the parent is to justify the request. To help show that the test is warranted it is expected that evidence such as family photographs, letters, cards and witness statements are presented.
Parental Responsibility
The obligations of parents towards their children to provide everything necessary for care and well being are balanced with their rights. Both parents in Spain have equal rights with regards to making decisions that affect the well being and up bringing of the children, pertaining to issues such as education, religion, health etc. So if the parents are living apart and one parent has custody over the child, both parents still have equal rights over key decisions in the up bringing of the child and the court will defend the rights and responsibilities of both parents, irrespective of where the child is living.
In additional during legal proceedings or in complex cases, such as domestic violence, where one parent cannot see the other, both parents still retain the right to have access to and share in the life of the child. So even in cases where the parents cannot have contact, visiting with the child can still be arranged in a controlled, safe environment such as “Punto de Encuentro Familiar” or Family Contact Centre.
Custody & Access
In Spain, with regards to legal decisions over child custody & access, the court takes into account the views of children who are mature enough to express their views, this can vary but is generally children over 12 years. This progressive approach helps to balance the rights and wishes of the parents with those of the child. Typically though we find that parents already base their custody requests on the wishes of the children, but in contested cases, it should be noted the rights of a mature child will be considered.
In cases when parents have reached an amicable solution to custody, without the need to legal challenges, the court will still want to see that there is a default legal agreement in place in case that the amicable agreement breaks down. In Spain the typical default agreement is weekends with alternate parents, 4 weeks over the summer and alternate Christmas and Easter festivals.
Maintenance & Child Support
In all cases in Spain both parents are obliged to provide their children with support,. If English law is applied this includes children who have been treated as part of the family even if one of the parents is not the biological parent. Spanish law does not recognise the obligation to pay maintenance to non-biological children and this can be important in “second” families. Maintenance encompasses the core elements of a child’s well being such as education, healthcare, clothing and housing.
It is worth noting that in Spain, maintenance is an equal responsibility in the eyes of the court and is not automatically awarded in the mother’s favour. In addition it will be proportional to the parent’s financial capacity and the relevant needs of the child. Should these elements change, then it would potentially be possible to seek a modification of the maintenance.
Another important issue is that Family Law in these matters applies in Spain when the child is “habitually resident” in Spain. Therefore it applies to children here in Spain even if they were born in another country, such as the UK or Ireland. So, even if the parents are not domiciled in Spain, but the child has been resident here for a number of months and has started kindergarten or school and formed friendships and relations here, then Family law disputes must be settled in Spain. If parents return to the UK for example, typically now the UK courts will refer the case back to Spain where the child has been habitually resident.
Once child support and maintenance has been requested legally and later awarded, it cannot be back dated to before the date of the legal request. So it is best to seek legal advice as soon as possible in the case of a relationship breakdown.
In general terms, Family Law in Spain is fair, balanced and progressive. However there can be delays in getting a court date. Parents cannot choose the jurisdiction in which to go to court – they must go to their local court and of course some courts are busier than others.
When thinking about families and children, it is also a little sad to consider relationship breakdown, but this is a fact of life and if parents can work together in a fair compassionate way with good legal representation, then not only are the rights of children respected and protected but the parents too can be confident of a fair solution, respecting and balancing their obligations and rights.
If you would like to book a confidential consultation and discuss Family Law, please contact Sandra Wrightson, De Cotta, McKenna & Santafé – the firm has offices in Mijas-Costa, Coín, Nerja, Granada & Tenerife, with associates in the UK and across Europe.
Sandra Wrightson is an English Barrister Overseas, at De Cotta McKenna y Santafé, your local law firm offering support with all aspects of Spanish Law for English speaking clients.The head office is at:
Centro Comercial Valdepinos 1 y 3ª
Urb. Calypso
29649 Mijas Costa (Málaga)
Tel.: +34 952 931 781
Fax: +34 952 933 547
Email sandrawrightson@decottalaw.net
website: www.decottalaw.com
Read more!
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