In this article Eirene Trujillo, Spanish Abogado & Sandra Wrightson, an English Overseas Barrister with DeCotta McKenna & Santafé, guide us through the complexities of a parent's legal responsibilites as well as the right's of children here in Spain in the unfortunate event that their parents separate or divorce and the impact of both parties.
Many younger people are moving to Spain to start a new life and enjoy the family-friendly lifestyle offered here, and many are starting families or relocating their families here. Inevitably some of these relationships will change and result in the parents living separate lives. It is at this moment that it is so important for the children and the parents that legal assistance is sought as soon as possible so as to navigate a solution to often complex issues.
Spanish family law recognises equal rights of children whether the parents are married or not. There are a number of established legal procedures and precedents that relate to parental responsibility and rights when a relationship breaks down, encompassing the range of issues such as custody, visiting rights and maintenance.
In Spain parents must be represented by a lawyer and Procurator as well as the “Ministerio Fiscal”, the official solicitor that defends the rights of children in Spain.
Since there are a number of obligations and responsibilities that parents must fulfill towards their children in Spain, it is important that both parents are legally identified. A paternity test can be requested, but in court it is expected that there is sufficient evidence to prove who the parent is to justify the request. To help show that the test is warranted it is expected that evidence such as family photographs, letters, cards and witness statements are presented.
Parental Responsibility
The obligations of parents towards their children to provide everything necessary for care and well being are balanced with their rights. Both parents in Spain have equal rights with regards to making decisions that affect the well being and up bringing of the children, pertaining to issues such as education, religion, health etc. So if the parents are living apart and one parent has custody over the child, both parents still have equal rights over key decisions in the up bringing of the child and the court will defend the rights and responsibilities of both parents, irrespective of where the child is living.
In additional during legal proceedings or in complex cases, such as domestic violence, where one parent cannot see the other, both parents still retain the right to have access to and share in the life of the child. So even in cases where the parents cannot have contact, visiting with the child can still be arranged in a controlled, safe environment such as “Punto de Encuentro Familiar” or Family Contact Centre.
Custody & Access
In Spain, with regards to legal decisions over child custody & access, the court takes into account the views of children who are mature enough to express their views, this can vary but is generally children over 12 years. This progressive approach helps to balance the rights and wishes of the parents with those of the child. Typically though we find that parents already base their custody requests on the wishes of the children, but in contested cases, it should be noted the rights of a mature child will be considered.
In cases when parents have reached an amicable solution to custody, without the need to legal challenges, the court will still want to see that there is a default legal agreement in place in case that the amicable agreement breaks down. In Spain the typical default agreement is weekends with alternate parents, 4 weeks over the summer and alternate Christmas and Easter festivals.
Maintenance & Child Support
In all cases in Spain both parents are obliged to provide their children with support,. If English law is applied this includes children who have been treated as part of the family even if one of the parents is not the biological parent. Spanish law does not recognise the obligation to pay maintenance to non-biological children and this can be important in “second” families. Maintenance encompasses the core elements of a child’s well being such as education, healthcare, clothing and housing.
It is worth noting that in Spain, maintenance is an equal responsibility in the eyes of the court and is not automatically awarded in the mother’s favour. In addition it will be proportional to the parent’s financial capacity and the relevant needs of the child. Should these elements change, then it would potentially be possible to seek a modification of the maintenance.
Another important issue is that Family Law in these matters applies in Spain when the child is “habitually resident” in Spain. Therefore it applies to children here in Spain even if they were born in another country, such as the UK or Ireland. So, even if the parents are not domiciled in Spain, but the child has been resident here for a number of months and has started kindergarten or school and formed friendships and relations here, then Family law disputes must be settled in Spain. If parents return to the UK for example, typically now the UK courts will refer the case back to Spain where the child has been habitually resident.
Once child support and maintenance has been requested legally and later awarded, it cannot be back dated to before the date of the legal request. So it is best to seek legal advice as soon as possible in the case of a relationship breakdown.
In general terms, Family Law in Spain is fair, balanced and progressive. However there can be delays in getting a court date. Parents cannot choose the jurisdiction in which to go to court – they must go to their local court and of course some courts are busier than others.
When thinking about families and children, it is also a little sad to consider relationship breakdown, but this is a fact of life and if parents can work together in a fair compassionate way with good legal representation, then not only are the rights of children respected and protected but the parents too can be confident of a fair solution, respecting and balancing their obligations and rights.
If you would like to book a confidential consultation and discuss Family Law, please contact Sandra Wrightson, De Cotta, McKenna & Santafé – the firm has offices in Mijas-Costa, Coín, Nerja, Granada & Tenerife, with associates in the UK and across Europe.
Sandra Wrightson is an English Barrister Overseas, at De Cotta McKenna y Santafé, your local law firm offering support with all aspects of Spanish Law for English speaking clients.The head office is at:
Centro Comercial Valdepinos 1 y 3ª
Urb. Calypso
29649 Mijas Costa (Málaga)
Tel.: +34 952 931 781
Fax: +34 952 933 547
Email sandrawrightson@decottalaw.net
website: www.decottalaw.com
Read more!
Thursday, 13 August 2009
The Truth about Stretch Marks
HAVE YOUR SAY - I at least was told, when I was pregnant, that despite all the marketing behind preventing stretch marks during pregnancy there really was very little that you could do to prevent them. It was a case of if you were going to get them...you were going to get them!
Mainly due to a hereditary predisposition, if your mother had got bad stretch marks, or if you already had stretch marks on your body from other "conditions" then you were most likely destined to get them.
So when I was pregnant, struggling with my burgeoning tummy, I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before I lay victim to this dreaded "stamp of pregnancy". I did apply oil to my tummy most days thinking that at least it would keep my skin supple and healthy (I did love my pregnant stomach!) but I didn't really believe that it would keep stretch marks at bay. I already had some minor stretch marks from growth spurts, and no doubt fluctuating weight over the years already so I was sure that it was simply a matter of time. But they never materialised! Of course I'm not complaining...but what really is the truth about stretch marks? My skin was clearly prone to them, but a huge fluid-filled belly for the final couple of months of pregnancy was not enough to force them out. So should we keep applying the oils and lotions? Do they make a difference? Or are we already fated, one way or the other? If you don't get them for your first pregnancy, does that mean you will escape them for you second?
There seems to be plenty of advice and opinion out there but what are your experiences? Take the opportunity to have your say in the comment section at the end of this article.
Colette Bouchez shares some fairly well reported advice below:
Stretching the truth: How to beat stretch marks - for good!
Among the most common of all pregnancy-related skin problems is undoubtedly stretch marks -- those deep red, sometimes blue lines that can occur not only on your tummy, but also on your breasts, upper arms, hips, thighs and even your buttocks. Medically known as striae gravidarum, they usually begin in the second trimester frequently starting at the navel and fanning out over your abdomen in what a pregnant girlfriend of mine now refers to as her "personal beach ball" pattern!
Who is at risk?
While the folklore on how to prevent stretch marks has practically become a cottage industry, the reality is, there are only a few factors that are capable of influencing whether or not you experience this problem. First and foremost, is your heredity. If your mom had stretch marks -- or if you had them in a previous pregnancy -- then you're a prime candidate now. Ethnicity matters too. While African American women are the least likely to experience stretch marks, natural blondes with light complexions are at greatest risk.
The good news is there are also some factors related to stretch marks that you can control. So, even if you are prone to this problem, there are ways to decrease your risks -- starting with watching your weight and keeping extra pounds under control. How can this help? When skin is forced to stretch too rapidly, the underlying dermal structure breaks down allowing stretch marks to develop. And while it is imperative that you gain a healthy amount of weight during your pregnancy, a slow and gradual gain is best -- not only for your baby but for your body.
Keep your skin hydrated
Equally important is keeping your overall body complexion well hydrated, particularly your stomach and breast. This is especially important if you are gaining weight quickly. Because skin that is supple and soft has more elastic qualities, you are less likely to experience stretch marks if your skin is well moisturized.
While from a cosmetic standpoint almost any product that is good for dry skin is great for belly moisturizing, it's also important to remember that the more a product is absorbed into the skin, the more likely it is that tiny capillaries -- already dilated from pregnancy -- can pick up ingredients and carry them into your bloodstream and eventually, to your baby.
This can be especially disconcerting if you are using product containing a lot of chemicals and especially preservatives. While what you retain will be exceptionably small and not much cause for concern, whenever possible doctors recommend that during pregnancy you choose the purest, most natural skin care products possible, particularly for use on your stomach. One product that can give you all the moisturizer properties you need without any risks is pure cocoa butter
While there is no scientific evidence to show that it prevents stretch marks, generations of women have proven that it does appear to have some preventative properties. This all- natural fat derived from the cocoa bean is known to have superior moisturizing properties and is able to keep skin moist and conditioned enough to avoid stretch marks. The key, however, is find as close to 100 percent pure cocoa butter as you can get -- or order the equivalent of medical grade cocoa butter direct from your pharmacy.
Not too late to lubricate!
And remember -- for those of you already experiencing stretch marks, it's not too late to lubricate. Stretched skin that is kept supple and soft is far more likely to return to normal once your pregnancy weight is lost -- and any stretch marks you do experience are far more likely to disappear on their own, usually beginning two weeks after you deliver.
Preventing stretch marks -- naturally!
If you let her, Mother Nature could be your skin's best ally during pregnancy. Some of the most skin-quenching products you can use, are those you make yourself with ingredients that can be found right in your kitchen.
What you can try:
Two tablespoons of honey in a warm bath can draw moisture to your skin. If you're a shower girl, bring a plastic squeeze bottle of honey into the tub, and after tummy is wet, squeeze a little honey directly on your belly and rub in. Let it remain while you continue your shower and rinse off right before you're done.
Make your own all-natural cocoa butter by heating equal parts of grated cocoa butter and coconut oil in a microwave until melted. Stir well, let cool and apply generously on your tummy, hips, buttocks, breast and arms.
Soak a clean, white cloth in small dish of warm milk, squeeze out and apply the compress to your belly for up to 15 minutes. Re-dip several times, and reapply as needed.
Read more!
Mainly due to a hereditary predisposition, if your mother had got bad stretch marks, or if you already had stretch marks on your body from other "conditions" then you were most likely destined to get them.
So when I was pregnant, struggling with my burgeoning tummy, I was convinced that it was only a matter of time before I lay victim to this dreaded "stamp of pregnancy". I did apply oil to my tummy most days thinking that at least it would keep my skin supple and healthy (I did love my pregnant stomach!) but I didn't really believe that it would keep stretch marks at bay. I already had some minor stretch marks from growth spurts, and no doubt fluctuating weight over the years already so I was sure that it was simply a matter of time. But they never materialised! Of course I'm not complaining...but what really is the truth about stretch marks? My skin was clearly prone to them, but a huge fluid-filled belly for the final couple of months of pregnancy was not enough to force them out. So should we keep applying the oils and lotions? Do they make a difference? Or are we already fated, one way or the other? If you don't get them for your first pregnancy, does that mean you will escape them for you second?
There seems to be plenty of advice and opinion out there but what are your experiences? Take the opportunity to have your say in the comment section at the end of this article.
Colette Bouchez shares some fairly well reported advice below:
Stretching the truth: How to beat stretch marks - for good!
Among the most common of all pregnancy-related skin problems is undoubtedly stretch marks -- those deep red, sometimes blue lines that can occur not only on your tummy, but also on your breasts, upper arms, hips, thighs and even your buttocks. Medically known as striae gravidarum, they usually begin in the second trimester frequently starting at the navel and fanning out over your abdomen in what a pregnant girlfriend of mine now refers to as her "personal beach ball" pattern!
Who is at risk?
While the folklore on how to prevent stretch marks has practically become a cottage industry, the reality is, there are only a few factors that are capable of influencing whether or not you experience this problem. First and foremost, is your heredity. If your mom had stretch marks -- or if you had them in a previous pregnancy -- then you're a prime candidate now. Ethnicity matters too. While African American women are the least likely to experience stretch marks, natural blondes with light complexions are at greatest risk.
The good news is there are also some factors related to stretch marks that you can control. So, even if you are prone to this problem, there are ways to decrease your risks -- starting with watching your weight and keeping extra pounds under control. How can this help? When skin is forced to stretch too rapidly, the underlying dermal structure breaks down allowing stretch marks to develop. And while it is imperative that you gain a healthy amount of weight during your pregnancy, a slow and gradual gain is best -- not only for your baby but for your body.
Keep your skin hydrated
Equally important is keeping your overall body complexion well hydrated, particularly your stomach and breast. This is especially important if you are gaining weight quickly. Because skin that is supple and soft has more elastic qualities, you are less likely to experience stretch marks if your skin is well moisturized.
While from a cosmetic standpoint almost any product that is good for dry skin is great for belly moisturizing, it's also important to remember that the more a product is absorbed into the skin, the more likely it is that tiny capillaries -- already dilated from pregnancy -- can pick up ingredients and carry them into your bloodstream and eventually, to your baby.
This can be especially disconcerting if you are using product containing a lot of chemicals and especially preservatives. While what you retain will be exceptionably small and not much cause for concern, whenever possible doctors recommend that during pregnancy you choose the purest, most natural skin care products possible, particularly for use on your stomach. One product that can give you all the moisturizer properties you need without any risks is pure cocoa butter
While there is no scientific evidence to show that it prevents stretch marks, generations of women have proven that it does appear to have some preventative properties. This all- natural fat derived from the cocoa bean is known to have superior moisturizing properties and is able to keep skin moist and conditioned enough to avoid stretch marks. The key, however, is find as close to 100 percent pure cocoa butter as you can get -- or order the equivalent of medical grade cocoa butter direct from your pharmacy.
Not too late to lubricate!
And remember -- for those of you already experiencing stretch marks, it's not too late to lubricate. Stretched skin that is kept supple and soft is far more likely to return to normal once your pregnancy weight is lost -- and any stretch marks you do experience are far more likely to disappear on their own, usually beginning two weeks after you deliver.
Preventing stretch marks -- naturally!
If you let her, Mother Nature could be your skin's best ally during pregnancy. Some of the most skin-quenching products you can use, are those you make yourself with ingredients that can be found right in your kitchen.
What you can try:
Two tablespoons of honey in a warm bath can draw moisture to your skin. If you're a shower girl, bring a plastic squeeze bottle of honey into the tub, and after tummy is wet, squeeze a little honey directly on your belly and rub in. Let it remain while you continue your shower and rinse off right before you're done.
Make your own all-natural cocoa butter by heating equal parts of grated cocoa butter and coconut oil in a microwave until melted. Stir well, let cool and apply generously on your tummy, hips, buttocks, breast and arms.
Soak a clean, white cloth in small dish of warm milk, squeeze out and apply the compress to your belly for up to 15 minutes. Re-dip several times, and reapply as needed.
Read more!
Price Comparison - Spain vs. United Kingdom
Spain is well regarded as a "family friendly" country. Certainly for those coming over here on holiday they will find that the local community are very welcoming to young families, children are accomodated in restaurants and bars, quite the opposite to the United Kingdom for example. Spain in general appears to be very family orientated and this has always left me somewhat surprised at the lack of "amenities" for children, young babies in particular and also the elevated price for any products, particularly what I would call necessities such as nappies, baby wipes, formula milk, clothing, etc.
Nappies for example are practically double the price to what I could expect to find in the United Kingdom, as is formula milk. I actually live close to Gibraltar so I used to make the treck over there to stock up on milk instead of buying it in Spain as the difference in price was so big. Why is this? Surely these items cost the same to produce here as they do elsewhere in Europe, yet only 45 minutes down the road from my home and I can stock up the same items for half the price or less.
Do you find it the same? Any ideas why this is? Share your thoughts and comments.
Read more!
Nappies for example are practically double the price to what I could expect to find in the United Kingdom, as is formula milk. I actually live close to Gibraltar so I used to make the treck over there to stock up on milk instead of buying it in Spain as the difference in price was so big. Why is this? Surely these items cost the same to produce here as they do elsewhere in Europe, yet only 45 minutes down the road from my home and I can stock up the same items for half the price or less.
Do you find it the same? Any ideas why this is? Share your thoughts and comments.
Read more!
Mums - Finding the Time to learn Spanish
As every mother will know, from the moment that we find out that we are pregnant the days where we may have put ourselves first are numbered. Finding a quiet moment to read a book, take a bubble bath, watch our favourite programme on television or flick through a glossy magazine by the pool all become distant memories.
So what of our Mums in Spain, perhaps falling pregnant after only a short time here, or those with young families who made the brave move to a new country and hopefully a better way of life? With so many other things to think about and prioritise, something as obvious as learning the local language can easily be overlooked or put to one side for when you have more time.
There are many regions of Spain where it is conceivable that you could cope with speaking no or very little Spanish. But having a young family tends to make that unlikely, or at best more difficult. Something as simple as registering your baby’s birth can become a complete nightmare if you aren’t able to make yourself understood at your local Town Hall. Enrolling your little one in the local school might seem a thoroughly daunting task when you struggle to understand the application form or the admission instructions. But it isn’t just bureaucracy that can become more laborious and painstaking because of a lack of language skills.
Standing outside the school gates, waiting patiently for your little one to come running out at the end of the day, but feeling like you need to blend into the background in case someone talks to you and you don’t understand. Knowing that you are in English a very sociable and outgoing person, but because of your complete lack of Spanish you end up feeling isolated and frustrated. Being nervous of any school activities like parents’ night or school sports day, or simply not understanding your now bilingual child when they play with friends or socialise on the beach or in the park.
But like everything, it is possible to find the time and the rewards on offer from finding that time, from taking what for many is a brave step forward, are many and varied.
Julia Mattey, Language Co-ordinator with Abla Lenguas has students who have lived in Spain for years and sign up for a total beginner's course. “They hadn't found time to learn the language so far and were quite happy getting by with half a dozen sentences” says Julia. So many of us are guilty of this, and to be perfectly honest depending on where you live in the country it would be possible to get by, but you risk missing out on so much.
Of course enjoying the experience of learning anything is also key to long-term commitment and success. “We try to make our classes lively, fun and full of student participation with the main emphasis on speaking practice” Rosa Renuncio of Fun & Culture told Mums in Spain, “our classes are very much designed to increase confidence”. We all know confidence is one of the most important things to have when learning and using a new language out in the real world.
It is one thing to apply yourself in the class room, but it can be all too easy to simply seize up when we step outside of this protective environment! A good friend of mine used to say to me “feel the fear, and do it anyway” – I used to feel that way myself when I first started practising my shaky Spanish but with the right encouragement and preparation this fear doesn’t have to engulf you!
If you happen to be a mum who might be considering improving their Spanish or even starting from scratch, it can be so easy to put up hurdles for ourselves and hide behind certain excuses. But there are lots of professionals out there who are able to offer you flexible class times and even if you aren’t able to consider going to classes regularly for whatever reason take a brave step and reach out into your Spanish community, maybe smile and say hello to a Spanish mum at the school gates. Embrace your life in Spain, there is no need for you to blend into the background.
Read more!
Friday, 3 April 2009
Raising Bi-lingual Children - Is it too late?
Written by Christina Bosemark, founder of Multilingual Children's Association. If you google Christina you will find lots of other useful articles.
"After we talked, I've spoken nothing but French to my one year old for close to seven weeks
now. All of his new words are French, and from what I can tell he understands me completely." Not even two months into her campaign to raise her two children speaking French as well as English, Sheilagh Margot Riordan in Forida has noticed a dramatic difference in the progress between her two children: "My three and a half year old is much trickier. Even though I speak only French to her, she replies in English, but I guess that she understands about 70 of everything I say." Frankly, Sheilagh worries that it's already too late for her over-the-hill three year-old to become a fluent bilingual.
In our culture it sometimes feels that if you didn't spring for ballet lessons at two or violin at three, it's all over. While there's no doubt that the optimal moment to start learning languages is at birth, it's not at all impossible to achieve fluency later in life. The more language interaction you provide, the more dramatic the progress, and the easier for the child. Even older children are still kids, and they'll remain chatty and unhampered by self-consciousness. Still, transitioning into multilingualism will require motivation; here are several tried-and-true tips.
You know how when you announce that it's bedtime, your kid says, "Why?" You'll get the same
reaction to your new language program. "Why do I have to say it in Korean if I know how say it
in English already?" This is a fair question, and the answer needs to be either one of necessity, fun, or flattery. Not much else will fly. Here are some possible answers: "Because I/granny/everyone else here only speak Korean." "This book/this game/this song is in Korean." "Because you did it sooo well yesterday." "So you can teach it to baby Ethan when he is a big boy like you." "So you and Kim can have your own secret language."
After the explanation your next step will be to speak only in the minority language yourself (or nanny, or whoever is your child's primary language source). When you get confusion and glazed looks, translate. And, be reasonable; accept replies in the primary language when you first start out.
When your child answers back in the community language, say "Yes," and then repeat the sentence in the minority language. If you know your child is able to say a particular word, but is struggling to remember it, jog her memory by providing the first syllable. Be careful not to dampen her enthusiasm. Don't make speaking the second language an inflexible rule or something that becomes onerous. You'll just inspire revolution in the ranks. You might require adherence to the language rules you've set up if you know she has the vocabulary - just as you demand 'pleases' and 'thank yous.' For example, when you're child is asking for a glass of milk, you can require that she ask for it in the minority language. But if she's excited about telling you what happened at the circus, just listen, and then repeat it back in the second language. That way, you provide her the missing vocabulary in a positive way.
And, as always, praise endlessly. Even when you are providing translations or the child has just issued sixteen grammatical errors in a four-word sentence. In fact, a child simply doesn't understand if you try to correct her before the age of three. Instead, just repeat the words correctly (a process known as modeling). Alternatively, you can make a joke and say, "Oops, that came out wrong!" Laugh and provide the right way of saying it, so you keep it playful rather than corrective.
Countless parents have asked me: "So now, how do we stay firm with our language use?" Once the child has the vocabulary to understand the second language, sticking to the family language system is essential -- if you don't, you're back to square one! Just think of the things you could never let your child do, even if she begs, whines, and tantrums: things such as riding in a car without a seatbelt, not brushing her teeth, or crossing the street by herself. Don't negotiate about using the language any more than you do about these things, and she will get the picture eventually -- despite the occasional earful. Give it at least six months, and your persistence will be richly rewarded.
Sheilagh says that she realizes her trouble is well worth it and has stopped worrying about beginning too late: "Instead of looking at the things I should have done (speak French since birth), I am looking at the great achievements we have made so far."
Read more!
"After we talked, I've spoken nothing but French to my one year old for close to seven weeks
now. All of his new words are French, and from what I can tell he understands me completely." Not even two months into her campaign to raise her two children speaking French as well as English, Sheilagh Margot Riordan in Forida has noticed a dramatic difference in the progress between her two children: "My three and a half year old is much trickier. Even though I speak only French to her, she replies in English, but I guess that she understands about 70 of everything I say." Frankly, Sheilagh worries that it's already too late for her over-the-hill three year-old to become a fluent bilingual.
In our culture it sometimes feels that if you didn't spring for ballet lessons at two or violin at three, it's all over. While there's no doubt that the optimal moment to start learning languages is at birth, it's not at all impossible to achieve fluency later in life. The more language interaction you provide, the more dramatic the progress, and the easier for the child. Even older children are still kids, and they'll remain chatty and unhampered by self-consciousness. Still, transitioning into multilingualism will require motivation; here are several tried-and-true tips.
You know how when you announce that it's bedtime, your kid says, "Why?" You'll get the same
reaction to your new language program. "Why do I have to say it in Korean if I know how say it
in English already?" This is a fair question, and the answer needs to be either one of necessity, fun, or flattery. Not much else will fly. Here are some possible answers: "Because I/granny/everyone else here only speak Korean." "This book/this game/this song is in Korean." "Because you did it sooo well yesterday." "So you can teach it to baby Ethan when he is a big boy like you." "So you and Kim can have your own secret language."
After the explanation your next step will be to speak only in the minority language yourself (or nanny, or whoever is your child's primary language source). When you get confusion and glazed looks, translate. And, be reasonable; accept replies in the primary language when you first start out.
When your child answers back in the community language, say "Yes," and then repeat the sentence in the minority language. If you know your child is able to say a particular word, but is struggling to remember it, jog her memory by providing the first syllable. Be careful not to dampen her enthusiasm. Don't make speaking the second language an inflexible rule or something that becomes onerous. You'll just inspire revolution in the ranks. You might require adherence to the language rules you've set up if you know she has the vocabulary - just as you demand 'pleases' and 'thank yous.' For example, when you're child is asking for a glass of milk, you can require that she ask for it in the minority language. But if she's excited about telling you what happened at the circus, just listen, and then repeat it back in the second language. That way, you provide her the missing vocabulary in a positive way.
And, as always, praise endlessly. Even when you are providing translations or the child has just issued sixteen grammatical errors in a four-word sentence. In fact, a child simply doesn't understand if you try to correct her before the age of three. Instead, just repeat the words correctly (a process known as modeling). Alternatively, you can make a joke and say, "Oops, that came out wrong!" Laugh and provide the right way of saying it, so you keep it playful rather than corrective.
Countless parents have asked me: "So now, how do we stay firm with our language use?" Once the child has the vocabulary to understand the second language, sticking to the family language system is essential -- if you don't, you're back to square one! Just think of the things you could never let your child do, even if she begs, whines, and tantrums: things such as riding in a car without a seatbelt, not brushing her teeth, or crossing the street by herself. Don't negotiate about using the language any more than you do about these things, and she will get the picture eventually -- despite the occasional earful. Give it at least six months, and your persistence will be richly rewarded.
Sheilagh says that she realizes her trouble is well worth it and has stopped worrying about beginning too late: "Instead of looking at the things I should have done (speak French since birth), I am looking at the great achievements we have made so far."
Read more!
Using Insect Repellant during Pregnancy
The short answer to this question is that it is probably better to use natural products (usually containing citronella oil) that are certainly safe for use in pregnancy. The insect repellents that contain chemicals do absorb into your bloodstream, and therefore, will cross the placenta and reach your baby. The most commonly used (and effective) insect repellent contains a chemical known as DEET (diethyl-3-methylbenzamide).
There have been some concerns raised about the safety of using this repellent in pregnancy or on young children, but it seems that if the concentration of DEET is no more than 10% of any product, (repellents are available with DEET concentrations of 5% to 100%) the likelihood of adverse toxic effects are extremely unlikely. In high doses DEET is toxic and ingestion of the chemical has been associated with seizures and death.
If you are travelling to a malarial area, it would be better to use DEET than not, as citronella only lasts for a short period of time, and malaria is potentially fatal. It's best to get advice from your midwife or GP before planning to go overseas.
Read more!
There have been some concerns raised about the safety of using this repellent in pregnancy or on young children, but it seems that if the concentration of DEET is no more than 10% of any product, (repellents are available with DEET concentrations of 5% to 100%) the likelihood of adverse toxic effects are extremely unlikely. In high doses DEET is toxic and ingestion of the chemical has been associated with seizures and death.
If you are travelling to a malarial area, it would be better to use DEET than not, as citronella only lasts for a short period of time, and malaria is potentially fatal. It's best to get advice from your midwife or GP before planning to go overseas.
Read more!
Monday, 30 March 2009
A Spanish Homebirth Story
I came across this birth story written by Dunja Jane and thought it might make interesting reading for other mums in Spain:
I am Australian but have lived in Spain for the last 16 years. I had my 2 daughters here in hospital and the emotional trauma has stayed with me since. They are now 12 and 14 years old.
In August 2005 I found to my partner's and my delight that we were expecting a baby. It was not an easy pregnancy - I don't really know why - maybe the years are taking their toll (I'm now 36) or maybe I was just over stressed with work and so on but at 21 weeks I was having an awful lot of contractions and was put to bedrest. Basically I stayed that way until the end which was very draining on everybody in the family but at least proved worth it in the long-run.
I need to explain breifly how difficult it is to have a home birth here in Spain. It was not that I originally set out to do this but it turned out to be the best option. I quite simply did not want to end up in the hospital again, with the drip, the monitor tying me to the bed, the interference from all the medical staff, the hospital environment and worst of all the obstetric chair (lithotomy position). I tried to see if things had changed since my 2nd daughter was born, but the answers I kept getting were not at all encouraging. There is no state health service here for home births. I started to look around - there were a couple of private "alternative" type clinics that did water birthing etc. but both rather far away from where we live. My 2nd daughter had been born in 1.5hrs so we were concerned that my 3rd would be even faster. No time to travel 2-3 hours to a clinic during labour.
After much searching and discussion between my partner and I - he seemed to be coming round to the idea of having our baby at home if we could just find someone qualified to attend us - I came across an association for home births on the net and got in touch with the closest midwife, who was only 40 minutes away. By this stage I was 32 weeks pregnant - baby was doing ok.....everything had pretty much settled down and now we had a viable option at last for having him at home. I spent hours and hours on the net researching and reading all I could lay hands on - that's how I found your site - and getting to know all the possible complications and arguments for and against. I was not getting any encouragement from my gynaecologist or from the state midwife who was monitoring my pregnancy. Any little thing and they would say - "oh you shouldn't have a home birth if you have this (streptococo)...or that (breech presentation)..." or any little thing. It was really hard on my confidence level even though I was feeling more and more sure about it all. In the end I had none of the things that could possibly cause any complications - baby was LOT-LOA most of the time, no infections of any kind, only some nasty pelvic symphysis pain throughout the latter weeks of the pregancy. I wanted our baby to be born at home in our space, with our atmosphere around him without all the unavoidable hospital interventions. Because it's not that you can go to the hospital here and they respect your wishes - no - you can waste your time arguing with them but in the end they are in control and are running the show.
Anyway....less grumbling about the failings of the public health system. I had found a great private midwife (and her small team) and even though they seemed to cater for a slightly - lets say - "hippy" clientele, I felt I could trust her and that everything would be ok. It did of course mean coming up with the necessary 1500 euros to pay for it all. So we decided to sell my old car. We didn't really need it anymore, and put the money to something we both considered really worthwhile. The midwife and her team went onto guard duty for me at 37 weeks and we started the count down. They brought the kit of emergency equipment to the house and made sure we had everything else they needed prepared.
Then the drama started. I started having very regular but painless contractions one afternoon which continued into the evening, so we called the midwife (Helena) and she decided to come with her doula (Pilar) that night. We were pretty concerned about the birth being so fast that they wouldn't get here on time. My partner and my best girl friend were a bit jittery about having to deliver the baby themselves in the rush. We started timing and walking and breathing.....went on for hours....everyone went to bed in the end and in the morning everything had stopped. Oh well - just a false alarm. Helena was so nice about it despite having had to sleep on the fold-out sofa bed which is not that comfortable. "I'd rather come and it be a false alarm, than not make it on time", she said. This was at 38 and a half weeks.
Four days later the contractions started again, this time significantly more noticeable but still not the pain I remembered from my previous 2 births. So we walked and breathed and they gave me some acupressure massages to help stimulate the contractions....and then nothing happened AGAIN ! The next morning before leaving to go home Helena gave me a VE and at least this seemed promising - my cervix was effaced and 1cm dilated and the baby was enganged although not very low. She thought it was likely that labour would start that evening again. But it didn't. And the days went by.....some odd contractions - maybe 4-5 every day, but nothing to say that labour was starting.
Wednesday all day they started to hurt a bit more seriously but now I wasn't going to be fooled - I'd given everyone enough sleepless nights already. Breathed through them...took it pretty easy all day, went for a nice walk in the countryside with Gabi my partner..... Then soon after getting to bed that night my waters suddenly broke. I'd been expecting this for weeks since baby was so incredibly active and almost violent in his kicking. So much water !......Call Helena again. She and Pilar came over in the middle of the night convinced that now it would all pick up. That's what we all thought - that's how it goes isn't it? You break waters and labour starts. That's what had happened in my previous births - once spontaneously and once artificially. Helena didn't want to check again if there was any more progress for fear of infections....but now surely it was just a matter of hours? The next morning - you guessed it - still not in labour.
Helena said in the hospital they will only wait a maximum of 24 hours before inducing labour once the membranes have broken. She knew that for many home birth midwives up to 72 hours was still ok but that I had to make the choice. It was my decision. This was pretty hard. She had left us a monitoring device - a doppler I think - and I had to take my temperature on the hour and listen to the baby just to check nothing was going wrong. He sounded really good all the time and there were no other signs of infection. But time was running out. All day Thursday and nothing, the night passed and still nothing. Helena called to know how long we were prepared to wait before going to the hospital. She was not in a position to induce me at home, unfortunately. We'd decided Saturday morning which still gave us until midnight Saturday to complete 72 hours.
Friday afternoon I was having some stronger contractions but only every hour or so. I was getting desperate.....it was not fair, after all we had done to be able to have our baby at home to have to end up in the hospital to be induced ! I started to breakdown....burst into tears and felt so defeated by it all. It seemed ironic that after half a pregnancy of panicking that the baby would be born premature in the end he would be forced to come out. I was 40 weeks now. But what was wrong? Why didn't I go into labour? After having a big cry about it all, Gabi and I went for a night time walk and came home to shower and go to bed and face the inevitable the next day. I was having more contractions but nothing really regular and with so many false alarms I didn't know how to interpret what I was feeling anymore but Gabi decided it was time to call Helena again. By this stage it was past midnight.....she wasn't really keen on coming out again unless we were really sure it was starting but quite frankly, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. The contractions started to be longer and more painful - lasting about 1.5 minutes each....just maybe, maybe things were starting to move. I lay down to wait for Helena to arrive and the contractions continued, getting more regular and stronger all the time. This was a good sign, at last.
An hour later Helena was here and she checked me this time to find I was 7cms dilated - so thank goodness, baby was coming ! The last 3cms were much more painful and harder to deal with than I had expected. I don't know if the drips they'd put on me in the hospital for my daughter's births had something to do with it or my age or what but this was getting excrutiating. One contraction would run into another with waves of pain in my pelvic bones.....I kept waiting for them to end like they had with my daughters....but this time was different.They didn't end. I went from severe transition contractions to pushing, something that hadn't happened to me with my other births. But I was so sore I couldn't move to get into a better position and lying on my side I was getting nowhere. I managed to find the words to let everyone know that I couldn't push like this and they immediately pulled me up into a sort of squat with Gabi supporting me from behind. This was better, but boy, did it hurt to feel the baby's head coming down.
I was feeling half conscious of what was going on. I knew I would feel the "ring of fire" like I never had before because they'd given me aneasthetics and an episiotomy in the hospital but this time I sure felt it. But somehow amid all my panting and sweating and feeling pretty delirious I managed to control the pushing so that I didn't tear and soon I could see his little (not so little ! ) head sticking out and then his shoulders and then he was screaming his little lungs out even before the rest of him was born. It was so incredible. We had so longed to see him finally and here he was, all red and slippery and very cross ! He wouldn't feed at first but did settle after a minute or 2 - then he covered me in meconium.
Helena clamped the cord and Gabi cut it so I could get into a better position to push the placenta out. On my hands and knees - as I would have liked to have given birth - I got the placenta out really easily despite it being pretty huge too. Then Baby was happy to feed at last and latched on beautifully and totally relaxed. It was so so so much better than the hospital - no bright lights, no noise (other than mine) no injections or drips or interference and just the 4 of us to welcome him into our world. My daughters had not wanted to witness the birth so we woke them just after - they hadn't even realised it was happening ! I'm sure I made a hell of a lot of noise but Gabi said I really only moaned through the contractions. Anyway - a warm shower, change of sheets and everything was cleaned up and we all cuddled into bed. Lyorel was born at 4.30 in the morning on the 22nd of April. I was a bit in shock from the pain still all that day but by the next I was so elated and so happy that we had done what we really felt was right. I'll do it again any day.
Lyorel's temper hasn't improved much I must say even though he's now almost a month old. His insides bother him a lot - makes a terrible fuss just to get a burp out but all this will go away, we know.....
I would recommend to anyone thinking about home birth to make the effort and do it....I was emotionally scarred from my experiences in hospital and they didn't help in my relationship with my daughters - especially the first. I was so detached, didn't even feel like that baby over there being examined by the nurse was anything to do with me. I now look back and feel so sad about it - so angry at having been manipulated and treated just like another body instead of like a whole person going through one of the most important moments of my life - giving birth to my first child.
I am Australian but have lived in Spain for the last 16 years. I had my 2 daughters here in hospital and the emotional trauma has stayed with me since. They are now 12 and 14 years old.
In August 2005 I found to my partner's and my delight that we were expecting a baby. It was not an easy pregnancy - I don't really know why - maybe the years are taking their toll (I'm now 36) or maybe I was just over stressed with work and so on but at 21 weeks I was having an awful lot of contractions and was put to bedrest. Basically I stayed that way until the end which was very draining on everybody in the family but at least proved worth it in the long-run.
I need to explain breifly how difficult it is to have a home birth here in Spain. It was not that I originally set out to do this but it turned out to be the best option. I quite simply did not want to end up in the hospital again, with the drip, the monitor tying me to the bed, the interference from all the medical staff, the hospital environment and worst of all the obstetric chair (lithotomy position). I tried to see if things had changed since my 2nd daughter was born, but the answers I kept getting were not at all encouraging. There is no state health service here for home births. I started to look around - there were a couple of private "alternative" type clinics that did water birthing etc. but both rather far away from where we live. My 2nd daughter had been born in 1.5hrs so we were concerned that my 3rd would be even faster. No time to travel 2-3 hours to a clinic during labour.
After much searching and discussion between my partner and I - he seemed to be coming round to the idea of having our baby at home if we could just find someone qualified to attend us - I came across an association for home births on the net and got in touch with the closest midwife, who was only 40 minutes away. By this stage I was 32 weeks pregnant - baby was doing ok.....everything had pretty much settled down and now we had a viable option at last for having him at home. I spent hours and hours on the net researching and reading all I could lay hands on - that's how I found your site - and getting to know all the possible complications and arguments for and against. I was not getting any encouragement from my gynaecologist or from the state midwife who was monitoring my pregnancy. Any little thing and they would say - "oh you shouldn't have a home birth if you have this (streptococo)...or that (breech presentation)..." or any little thing. It was really hard on my confidence level even though I was feeling more and more sure about it all. In the end I had none of the things that could possibly cause any complications - baby was LOT-LOA most of the time, no infections of any kind, only some nasty pelvic symphysis pain throughout the latter weeks of the pregancy. I wanted our baby to be born at home in our space, with our atmosphere around him without all the unavoidable hospital interventions. Because it's not that you can go to the hospital here and they respect your wishes - no - you can waste your time arguing with them but in the end they are in control and are running the show.
Anyway....less grumbling about the failings of the public health system. I had found a great private midwife (and her small team) and even though they seemed to cater for a slightly - lets say - "hippy" clientele, I felt I could trust her and that everything would be ok. It did of course mean coming up with the necessary 1500 euros to pay for it all. So we decided to sell my old car. We didn't really need it anymore, and put the money to something we both considered really worthwhile. The midwife and her team went onto guard duty for me at 37 weeks and we started the count down. They brought the kit of emergency equipment to the house and made sure we had everything else they needed prepared.
Then the drama started. I started having very regular but painless contractions one afternoon which continued into the evening, so we called the midwife (Helena) and she decided to come with her doula (Pilar) that night. We were pretty concerned about the birth being so fast that they wouldn't get here on time. My partner and my best girl friend were a bit jittery about having to deliver the baby themselves in the rush. We started timing and walking and breathing.....went on for hours....everyone went to bed in the end and in the morning everything had stopped. Oh well - just a false alarm. Helena was so nice about it despite having had to sleep on the fold-out sofa bed which is not that comfortable. "I'd rather come and it be a false alarm, than not make it on time", she said. This was at 38 and a half weeks.
Four days later the contractions started again, this time significantly more noticeable but still not the pain I remembered from my previous 2 births. So we walked and breathed and they gave me some acupressure massages to help stimulate the contractions....and then nothing happened AGAIN ! The next morning before leaving to go home Helena gave me a VE and at least this seemed promising - my cervix was effaced and 1cm dilated and the baby was enganged although not very low. She thought it was likely that labour would start that evening again. But it didn't. And the days went by.....some odd contractions - maybe 4-5 every day, but nothing to say that labour was starting.
Wednesday all day they started to hurt a bit more seriously but now I wasn't going to be fooled - I'd given everyone enough sleepless nights already. Breathed through them...took it pretty easy all day, went for a nice walk in the countryside with Gabi my partner..... Then soon after getting to bed that night my waters suddenly broke. I'd been expecting this for weeks since baby was so incredibly active and almost violent in his kicking. So much water !......Call Helena again. She and Pilar came over in the middle of the night convinced that now it would all pick up. That's what we all thought - that's how it goes isn't it? You break waters and labour starts. That's what had happened in my previous births - once spontaneously and once artificially. Helena didn't want to check again if there was any more progress for fear of infections....but now surely it was just a matter of hours? The next morning - you guessed it - still not in labour.
Helena said in the hospital they will only wait a maximum of 24 hours before inducing labour once the membranes have broken. She knew that for many home birth midwives up to 72 hours was still ok but that I had to make the choice. It was my decision. This was pretty hard. She had left us a monitoring device - a doppler I think - and I had to take my temperature on the hour and listen to the baby just to check nothing was going wrong. He sounded really good all the time and there were no other signs of infection. But time was running out. All day Thursday and nothing, the night passed and still nothing. Helena called to know how long we were prepared to wait before going to the hospital. She was not in a position to induce me at home, unfortunately. We'd decided Saturday morning which still gave us until midnight Saturday to complete 72 hours.
Friday afternoon I was having some stronger contractions but only every hour or so. I was getting desperate.....it was not fair, after all we had done to be able to have our baby at home to have to end up in the hospital to be induced ! I started to breakdown....burst into tears and felt so defeated by it all. It seemed ironic that after half a pregnancy of panicking that the baby would be born premature in the end he would be forced to come out. I was 40 weeks now. But what was wrong? Why didn't I go into labour? After having a big cry about it all, Gabi and I went for a night time walk and came home to shower and go to bed and face the inevitable the next day. I was having more contractions but nothing really regular and with so many false alarms I didn't know how to interpret what I was feeling anymore but Gabi decided it was time to call Helena again. By this stage it was past midnight.....she wasn't really keen on coming out again unless we were really sure it was starting but quite frankly, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. The contractions started to be longer and more painful - lasting about 1.5 minutes each....just maybe, maybe things were starting to move. I lay down to wait for Helena to arrive and the contractions continued, getting more regular and stronger all the time. This was a good sign, at last.
An hour later Helena was here and she checked me this time to find I was 7cms dilated - so thank goodness, baby was coming ! The last 3cms were much more painful and harder to deal with than I had expected. I don't know if the drips they'd put on me in the hospital for my daughter's births had something to do with it or my age or what but this was getting excrutiating. One contraction would run into another with waves of pain in my pelvic bones.....I kept waiting for them to end like they had with my daughters....but this time was different.They didn't end. I went from severe transition contractions to pushing, something that hadn't happened to me with my other births. But I was so sore I couldn't move to get into a better position and lying on my side I was getting nowhere. I managed to find the words to let everyone know that I couldn't push like this and they immediately pulled me up into a sort of squat with Gabi supporting me from behind. This was better, but boy, did it hurt to feel the baby's head coming down.
I was feeling half conscious of what was going on. I knew I would feel the "ring of fire" like I never had before because they'd given me aneasthetics and an episiotomy in the hospital but this time I sure felt it. But somehow amid all my panting and sweating and feeling pretty delirious I managed to control the pushing so that I didn't tear and soon I could see his little (not so little ! ) head sticking out and then his shoulders and then he was screaming his little lungs out even before the rest of him was born. It was so incredible. We had so longed to see him finally and here he was, all red and slippery and very cross ! He wouldn't feed at first but did settle after a minute or 2 - then he covered me in meconium.
Helena clamped the cord and Gabi cut it so I could get into a better position to push the placenta out. On my hands and knees - as I would have liked to have given birth - I got the placenta out really easily despite it being pretty huge too. Then Baby was happy to feed at last and latched on beautifully and totally relaxed. It was so so so much better than the hospital - no bright lights, no noise (other than mine) no injections or drips or interference and just the 4 of us to welcome him into our world. My daughters had not wanted to witness the birth so we woke them just after - they hadn't even realised it was happening ! I'm sure I made a hell of a lot of noise but Gabi said I really only moaned through the contractions. Anyway - a warm shower, change of sheets and everything was cleaned up and we all cuddled into bed. Lyorel was born at 4.30 in the morning on the 22nd of April. I was a bit in shock from the pain still all that day but by the next I was so elated and so happy that we had done what we really felt was right. I'll do it again any day.
Lyorel's temper hasn't improved much I must say even though he's now almost a month old. His insides bother him a lot - makes a terrible fuss just to get a burp out but all this will go away, we know.....
I would recommend to anyone thinking about home birth to make the effort and do it....I was emotionally scarred from my experiences in hospital and they didn't help in my relationship with my daughters - especially the first. I was so detached, didn't even feel like that baby over there being examined by the nurse was anything to do with me. I now look back and feel so sad about it - so angry at having been manipulated and treated just like another body instead of like a whole person going through one of the most important moments of my life - giving birth to my first child.
Read more!
Launch of new look site
www.mumsinspain.com was relaunched earlier this month with a much clearer and sharper "look" for visitors. We have lots of exciting things planned for the development and growth of the site including an online shop. If you happen to be a business owner and would be interested in Mums in Spain promoting your products, whether you be a small home-grown project or a larger business venture, please do contact us for more information. Mums in Spain can offer you a great opportunity to reach a finely targetted audience advertise@mumsinspain.com
Read more!
Read more!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
